Those Sunny Schooldays
by Awesomenorwegian
Summary: In an alternate reality, where humans and fairies have long since settled their differences, Artemis Fowl is attending one of the world's few interspecies boarding schools alongside the teenage versions of the rest of the characters from the Fowl universe. Rated T for now. Chapter 7: It's about time to introduce Opal.
1. Arrival: Part 1

Ok, so here's the deal. I was sitting on my bed the other night and watching a generic school-life anime, and then it hit me. What if I took all the characters from the Artemis Fowl universe, turned in to teenagers, and crammed them all together on a school on some Island somewhere? So I immediately went forward without any resemblance of a plan, just making it up as I went along, and here's what I came up with. I'm sure this has been done a million times already, but whatever. Enjoy.

The white ferry cut through the violent sea with ease, despite the powerful wind of early autumn that was currently whipping the water, as if Zeus himself was waging war on his brother Poseidon. None of this bothered the dark-haired boy standing at the bow of the ship, arms crossed. In front of him, he could see a bulky form draw closer. Clare Island, located outside of Clew bay, which belonged to Ireland's west coast. The boy was, as I'm sure you've already guessed, Artemis Fowl the second, a sixteen year old about to enroll into Dian Cecht, one of the three European interspecies boarding schools.

Another blast of wind hit the ferry, forcing Artemis to grab hold of the rail beside him to keep his balance. The island was growing in size for every passing second now, and after a few minutes, Artemis could distinct a smaller shape from the looming mountain that rose up from the small isle. There it was, the institution that would serve as his home for the next three years. It looked majestic now, with the sun sinking down behind it.

A small creek at the southeastern brink of the Island served as the ferry's drop off. The captain steered the ship expertly around the newly built concrete mole, and then over to the wharf. The crew quickly jumped from the ship, fastened the moorings, and lowered the walkway. Two dozen individuals, both students and non-students, quickly abandoned the ship. Artemis went with the flow as the group walked past several houses of fairy design, towards the road, where he could see a white and black buss idling. The non-students in the group quickly dispersed, leaving one human, two elves, two pixies, one sprite, one dwarf, one gnome and one demon.

The bus driver, a tall, gray-haired man in a white and blue uniform greeted them cheerfully. "Welcome new students, to Clare Island. I'm Sétna, bus driver and handyman at your service. Please put your baggage into this trunk here and then we'll be off."

Artemis had decided to send most of his possessions in advance, and was therefore only carrying a small bag, which he kept on his lap as the bus began to wheel along the road. On his right side, Artemis could see the mainland tower over the sea, which was becoming increasingly black as afternoon turned into dusk. The distance between himself and the great, green Island that was Ireland reminded him of his parents, who he'd waved goodbye this very morning. His mother had played the act of heartbreak so well that Artemis had felt almost miserable as he finally pushed himself out of her squeezing embrace. She had been against his enrollment to Dian Cecht from the very moment he had asked for it. Artemis had been homeschooled for most of his life and his mother did not want him to travel this far away, but Artemis had been relentless, and in the end, his father had approved. "It's the boy's decision Angeline. He's going to be a man soon and we can't hold him back anymore."

And that was exactly why Artemis yearned for this particular school. He had been held back his entire life. His mind had gone unchallenged to long and now it was literally screaming for stimulation of the intellectual kind. He loved his parents dearly, but their lack of understanding had always frustrated him. Now, away from them, here, in one of the world most prestigious schools, he would finally be without restraints, free to be the designer of his own destiny.

It was a 15 minute journey from the creek to the top of the Island and the school. And it was indeed one of the most impressive sights Artemis had seen in his life. The school consisted mainly of four buildings. First, the massive school building itself, which was castle-like in its appearance, though the giant dome on the roof made it look a bit like a cathedral, or maybe an overgrown courthouse. There were also two dorms, each of which looked like a smaller version of the school building, minus the dome. The final building was for sports, and included an indoor arena, gyms and baths. The entire compound was fenced in by an old stone wall, which had been renovated when the school first got built twenty years earlier.

A tall elf, relatively speaking, was waiting for the new students inside the main gate that granted access through the six meter tall stone wall. He had the nut brown skin that distinguished wood elves. Artemis estimated his age to somewhere around 400-500, judging by the streaks of grey in his otherwise brown hair. He studied each of the students with sparkling, emerald eyes as they lined up before him. Artemis couldn't be certain, but it seemed to him that the elf's gaze rested a moment too long when they landed on him.

The elf let his two arms, which had been crossed, slide apart, and then brought them together again, making a clapping noise. "Welcome, new students, to Dian Cecht." His English flowed steadily and beautifully, without the slightest hint of accent.

"_Green uniform, a red leaf on his chest, one stripe of gold on his shoulders. This must be the head teacher of the first years", _Artemis thought.

"I am Kean Conall, the head teacher of the first years, which includes all but one of you, if I am not mistaken."

Artemis gave himself a mental pat on the back.

"The nine of you are the very last to arrive, as the new semester starts tomorrow. I would advise you all to take a good look at your respectable timetables before then, which can be found in your dorm rooms." The elf produced a computer in miniature from one of his pockets. "I will now read your names loudly. Once I've read yours, please step forward so that I can give you your room number." He cleared his throat. "Adrin, Shrub."

One of the pixies stepped forward.

"Male dormitory, second floor, room 245." He took a short pause as the pixie hurried off. "Ferrywheel, Cetny."

The gnome hurried forward, so eager that she very nearly stumbled in her own, short legs.

"Female dormitory, first floor, room 109."

A faint blush crept up her neck as the chubby gnome began to walk in the opposite direction of the rout the pixie had taken. The head teacher made another pause, slightly longer than the last.

"Fowl, Artemis."

Artemis noticed the head of the second pixie stir as he left the line, and he could feel her eyes on him while Conall assigned him to room 42, located on the boy's dormitory's first floor.

"_What do we have here?", _he thought as he walked past the head teacher._ "Someone who knows who I am? No matter, that should be of no consequence to me." _

"Koboi, Opal", the head teacher read as Artemis started to walk along the graveled road.

The boy's dormitory was quite large, even if compared to the main building. It had over ten floors and was as long and as wide as two football fields. While walking towards it, Artemis estimated that it should be able to house roughly a thousand students.

A group of elves and gnomes were going all out on each other in a match of crunchball on the grass outside the dorm. Crunchball, which essentially was a slightly more sophisticated but on the other hand, much more violent version of American football, and therefore, completely unappealing to the boy genius. Artemis could swear he heard a rib or two break as the ball landed in the hands of a particularly scrawny elf, leading to him being tackled by a gnome twice his size.

Inside the dorm, Artemis turned left after a quick look at the map on the gigantic billboard, which covered an entire wall. On his way through the long corridor built in white wood, Artemis glimpsed many interesting sightings. Inside room 12, a hovering sprite was busy painting red butterflies on the mahogany ceiling. A few seconds later, he saw two pixies, who looked so alike that they had to be twins, try to feed a bunch of cursing swear toads through the bars of a small cage. He even saw a demon cooking what looked suspiciously like flayed stink worm, to the great disgust of his elfin roommate.

But the most fascinating sight came last, because when he reached the door with the number 42 written on it in brass, the opposite door flew up and a roaring gnome stormed out, waving a fire extinguisher like it was some sort of medieval mace. He was followed by a flow of white foam and a hollering centaur who for some reason had a hat made of tinfoil on his furry head.

The gnome hurled the fire extinguisher away, causing it to crash into the wall a few centimeters away from Artemis's right ear. "ENOGUH!" he yelled. "I AIN'T STAYING HERE A MOMENT LONGER YOU CRAZY CENTAUR! ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME? IS THAT WHAT YOU'VE BEEN TRYING TO DO?!"

"It was an accident", the centaur said soothingly, while looking around nervously, probably scouting for teachers or other members of the school's staff. "I just forgot to check the incinerator before plugging it into the laptop. The guy who sold it to me has never given me defect equipment before. I was just a little careless."

"CARELESS?! YOU MELTED MY BED! AND SET THE D'ARVN CURTAINS ON FIRE!"

"It was an acci.."

The gnome cut him off. "SCREW YOU AND SCREW YOUR CRAZY EXPERIMENTS CENTUAR! I'M OUTTA HERE! I'M NOT STAYING IN THIS MADHOUSE A SECOND LONGER!" The gnome turned around, an action that led to him standing face to face with Artemis, or rather, face to crotch, due to the gnome's lack of height.

"WHAT'RE YOU LOOKING AT?!" the gnome asked, still yelling.

"Nothing", Artemis said, before quickly averting his gaze to ceiling.

"THEN WHY ARE YOU HERE?!"

"I live here", Artemis answered, gesturing at nr. 42.

"GET", the gnome barked, while waving at Artemis the same way he would've waved at a trespassing cat. "GET AWAY! RUN! SHOO! THE CENTAUR'S CRAZY, HE'S GONNA BLOW THIS DORM TO BUGGERY FIRST CHANCE HE GETS!"

"I'll take my chances", Artemis said in a polite tone, his eyes still studying the wooden paneling above him.

"YOUR FUNERAL!" The gnome stormed off, leaving the centaur knee-deep in hardened extinguisher foam.

About 15 seconds of awkward silence followed, then the door belonging to room nr. 42 was pushed open and a human teenager of Artemis's age appeared. After taking a long look at the scene before him, he opened his mouth and spoke with a deep voice you'd think would belong to an older man.

"Erwin finally had enough?" His words were directed at the centaur, who responded by nodding sheepishly. "Can't exactly say I blame him", the tall boy continued, before shifting his gaze to Artemis. "Can I help you?"

"I believe so, yes. I am Artemis Fowl, your roommate. I arrived just thirty minutes ago."

"Oh, thank god", the large teenager sighed. "They told me that I'd have to share my room with some dwarf, but I guess he had to cancel his transfer, or maybe they put him together with one of his own." He offered one hand. "The name's Butler."

Artemis studied the boy while shaking his hand. He was over a head taller than himself, had blond hair cut short, blue eyes so dark that they almost seemed black, and the body inside the green school uniform brimmed with muscle. The interesting mix of features on his face led Artemis to believe he was Eurasian.

"Butler", Artemis said. "I must say, that is a somewhat unusual first name."

"It's my last name."

"Oh really? And your first name is…?"

"None of your concern. Just call me Butler."

"Formal eh? Well, as you wish… Butler."

The centaur cleared his throat. "Um, guys, I really don't want to spoil this lovely first meeting of yours, but it seems like it's something wrong with this foam, it's pasting on to my legs."

Butler let go of Artemis's hand and looked at the centaur again. "So go inside your new one-man dorm room and wash it off."

"This foam is very heavy."

"Hmm."

"And dense."

"You wouldn't say."

"And I can't get out of it on my own."

That made Butler laugh. "Really Foaly? You're telling me that the greatest inventor of the twenty-first century can't find his way out of some foam? Or was that just you talking big?"

"I'll give you a week's worth of my allowance if you get me out of this before a teacher gets here."

"Say a month's worth and we have a deal."

"You heartless extortionist! How is a guy supposed to eat?"

Butler turned away from the centaur.

"So Artemis, want me to show you your new home?"

"OKAY!" the centaur howled. "One month's worth! Just get me out of this and it's all yours!"

Butler grinned. "I knew you would come to your senses."

Artemis tapped his new roommate on the shoulder. "I sent most of my possessions in advance. They should already be here."

Butler pointed over his shoulder with one thumb. "They are. I placed them on your bed."

Artemis left his new acquaintances to their work and entered his new home. The dorm room was pretty spacious, containing a double-decker bed, two desks, two chairs and two closets. Another door granted access to the bathroom. His roommate had placed his possessions on double-decker's lower bunk. Artemis opened one of his bags with quick hands. Inside was several items he doubted was allowed on school grounds, but that mattered little to the boy genius.

From the bag he acquired several cylinders filled with liquid of different colors. He mixed three of them in a test tube, which he then proceeded to shake for about ten seconds. When he stopped, the liquid had turned mauve. Delighted, he returned to the hallway.

By the time he arrived, Butler had freed Foaly's front legs, which the centaur was busy massaging while Butler pounded the hardened foam around his hind legs. They looked up when they heard Artemis return. Foaly's gaze immediately zoomed in on the item in Artemis's hand. "Oh, D'arvit, why didn't I think of that", he exclaimed.

"What do you have there?" Butler asked, half curious, half suspicious.

"Step back", Artemis said.

Butler looked at the centaur, who nodded eagerly in response. The tall Eurasian then shrugged, and took two steps backwards. Artemis leaned forward, pouring the liquid over the foam that kept the centaur's legs captive. The white substance immediately dissolved upon reacting with the chemicals, disappearing in a flash of white smoke. The centaur's brown legs was unhurt however.

Foaly carefully stepped out of the hardened foam with the help of Butler. When he reached safe ground, Foaly looked eagerly at Artemis and asked: "Where did you find that mixture?"

"Invented", Artemis said. "That is my own receipt, a fairly simple formula. Only three different chemicals are needed."

Butler gave Artemis a weird look. "Please don't tell me your also one of these crazy scientist guys."

Artemis decided not to take offence, the situation considered. "Scientist, yes. Crazy, no. You have nothing to worry about my friend."

The tall boy seemed to decide to settle with that and turned his attention back to the extinguisher foam covering most of Foaly's room and at least five square meters of the hallway floor. "We need to get rid of this somehow before someone discovers this."

"Yes." Artemis said. "Your charming roommate seems to have left you quite the mess Foaly."

"Please do not judge me by him", the centaur said in a hurry, seemingly quite thrilled to have found a fellow technologist. "We don't get to choose our roommates you know."

"Well", Artemis said. "I don't have nearly enough chemicals to get rid of all of this." He kicked the hardened foam with the tip of his left shoe.

"But I do", the centaur said triumphantly. "I have several barrels of it."

Artemis looked at him, surprised. "Where?"

"Well, it wasn't enough space in my room for half of the equipment I wanted to bring, so I rented a garage down in Capnagower and stored it there."

"You brought so much shit you had to rent a garage?" Butler asked, his right eyebrow raised.

Artemis was interested now. Ever since the People revealed themselves to humanity two decades ago, the governments and corporations of the human race had been dying to get their hands on fairy technology. The fairies however, had been extremely careful, and had only given access to certain individuals who they'd deemed trustworthy, most of which had been environmentalist like Giovanni Zito. Artemis had studied the people's technology since the age of five, but his limited access to it had always hindered his progress. Befriending this centaur could prove to be enormously profitable.

"If you took the time to move all of these… items to Clare Island, I suppose you've also thought of a way to get them into the school?"

"Of course", the centaur said. "I have a modified, motorized tricycle with a stowage plan right outside the school grounds."

"Then I suggest this plan of action. You and I leave now and get the things we need before curfew kicks in. Meanwhile, Butler will stay here and get this"(here he kicked the foam again) "out of sight. Is that ok with you roommate?"

Butler shrugged. "As long as I get paid, sure."

"Excellent." He turned back to the centaur. "Shall we go then?"

On their way to the parking lot, Artemis managed to get quite a bit of information out of the Centaur. Apparently, Foaly was the son of a successful entrepreneur from Haven City, the fairy capital. Foaly considered himself an inventor, and was currently working on a microscopic camera, small enough to fit in a contact lens. He called it: "The iris-cam."

The tricycle proved to be a modified Pell P50, a three-wheeled microcar. It was only room enough for the centaur inside the vehicle, so Artemis had to climb onto the stowage plan.

"Are you sure you're old enough to drive centaur?"

"Duh, I'm 42 human, I got the license to drive this thing two years ago. Relax, I got this."

The centaur's driving skills were not too horrible, but Artemis still found his heart rate speed up as they drove down the hills.

Before Dian Cecht got built, the entire Island had housed just over a hundred inhabitants. Now, a decade later, that number had increased tenfold, and the housing estate that was Capnagower had grown four times as big. The garage Foaly had rented belonged to an empty house at the outskirt of the residential area.

"It belongs to one of the engineers that helped build the school", Foaly said as he got out of the microcar. "He lets me rent it for a nickel and a dime."

"Mhm", Artemis answered absentminded. He was currently busy examining the electronic lock that controlled the garage door.

"I installed that myself after I placed my things here. I got a lot of valuable stuff in there. Wouldn't want some government agents to come in and nab it."

"And I suppose that is way you wear that risible hat? To prevent the intelligence agencies from reading your brainwaves?"

Foaly pulled the hat down over his ears while scowling at the back of Artemis's head. "Sometimes the old fashion way is the best way to go. Now move away so that I can open this door."

"Please wait a moment", Artemis asked, pulling a small gadget-like item from his pocket. It was about the size of a mobile phone, with a multi-touch screen. Foaly looked at it over Artemis's shoulder, amused.

"A cryptographer?"

"Yes", Artemis answered, holding the small device a few inches from the metal box that controlled the garage door. "I finished this little beauty a few weeks ago, and I haven't had a chance to test it yet. May I?"

"Go ahead", Foaly said generously. "But I'm afraid you're wasting your time. It's coded in Centaurian, security level six. My own design. There are probably just two or three other people on earth who could break it. The algorithms…"

His voice trailed off into silence as the garage door began to move slowly upwards, creaking loudly. Artemis rose and put the cryptographer back in his suit jacket.

"That was quite tricky", he applauded the centaur. "Without special equipment it would have taken me weeks to break through level 5 and 6."

Foaly was speechless. "How… how did you… can you read Centaurian?"

"Yes", Artemis said. "I learned it along with Gnommish. Truth be told I wondered if it would ever be of use to me since it's almost become extinct, but you seem to have proven me wrong. Shall we go?" He ducked under the ascending door.

After a quick look inside, Artemis understood very well why the centaur had chosen to resort to a make himself a storage room outside the school. The garage was packed to the brim with all sorts of stuff one would expect to find after breaking into an alien spaceship.

"_Incredible_", Artemis thought while letting his hand slide across a plasma driven battery the size of an ostrich egg. "_The things I could do with technology like this." _

"You said that your father works in the communication industry, correct?"

"Yes", Foaly answered, still somewhat bewildered by the fact that a sixteen year old Mud Man had broken through his best encryption in mere seconds. He was seriously starting to wonder what kind of person he'd gotten as his neighbor. He would have to dig up some information on this Mud Boy as soon as he'd fixed his room. "All of this", he gestured at the equipment around them, " is borrowed from him."

"With permission, surely?"

"Of course!" the centaur said, far too quickly. Artemis laughed.

"You filthy liar."

"Ok, maybe I haven't asked for permission _yet, _but when I finish the irish-cam and the blueprints of that Mars shuttle, he will be _way _to proud to mind such a minor… uh…"

"Robbery?"

"Loan of company equipment with an unspecified return date."

Artemis shook his head. "Keep telling yourself that. Now, where are the things we need?"

Foaly had placed the canisters that contained different chemicals in the back, alongside the plasma barrels. The boxes filled with canisters were heavy, and neither human, nor centaur were particularly fit, so it took them quite some time to tow all the things they needed out of the garage and onto the stowage plan.

Artemis checked his watch. "Damn it, curfew begins in fifteen minutes, we have to get moving, or we'll be in big trouble."

Foaly got into the modified driver seat and kicked the engine alive. "Don't worry, I anticipated a situation like this long ago and prepared accordingly."

Artemis was about to ask the centaur what he meant when Foaly pressed the big, red button on the built-in control panel beside the wheel, and as I'm sure you know very well dear reader, a big, red button inside a vehicle can only mean one thing.

The micro car jumped forward with a roar, and Artemis was slammed into the canisters he'd strapped tight a minute before. The Pell P50, whose top speed was originally designed to be no more than a moderate 50 km/h, now raced along the road with more than twice that speed, thanks to the modifications Foaly had done to the microcar's engine.

Artemis would have screamed, had the suffocating air pressure created by the vehicle's momentum allowed it. Through watery eyes, he could see the trees and the bushes on either side of the road fly past them. And as the road's first sharp turn drew nearer, something occurred to Artemis Fowl the second. His companion was nothing short of a genius, that much had been clear to him after interacting with the centaur's security encryption, but was Foaly's driving skills anywhere near as good as his technological abilities?

"_I think not", _he thought, moments before Foaly failed to estimate how hard he needed to turn the wheel in order to clear the 90° turn before them.


	2. Arrival: part 2

**Hey guys, I apologize for this slow update. My mom and dad unexpectedly dragged me with them on a kayak trip this weekend and I was therefore deprived of valuable writing time. Judging from the reviews of the last chapter I'd say you think this story is fairly decent so far, so if you could find the time for it, a longer and more detailed review where you point out what you liked or perhaps disliked would be extremely appreciated. Hell, it might even motivate me to update even quicker (wink, wink). **

_The full moon was partially hidden behind dark clouds as their prey landed in the middle of the meadow beside the tree. The two of them crept silently forward. He felt an electric surge flow through his body as he saw the small creature unstrap it's wings. Finally, after all these months of planning. Beside him, a hulking figure raised his weapon, aiming at the creature's back. _

Artemis awoke with a gasp, clutching his racing heart. He was lying on his back, grass tickling his neck. The dream had been frightfully realistic. He could feel the cold sweat in both of his palms. He sat up, looking around.

He was sitting in a slope, a few trees scattered around him. The sky was dark, the half-moon looking down on him with a wry smile. He turned around, and saw that the road was right behind him. So was the microcar. It was wrapped around the trunk of a large oak.

"_Oh, god", _Artemis thought. "_Foaly!" _

Artemis got to his feet, expecting dizziness, but it didn't come. He quickly examined himself. His suit was torn in several places, and the cryptographer and phone in his pockets were smashed, but he himself was perfectly fine. He could not sight a single mark on his hands, nor anywhere else on his body. He felt great. Energetic even.

"_Strange"_, he thought. "_I must have been propelled away when we hit the tree, and yet I'm not hurt in the slightest. A miracle." _

His eyes fell on the Pell P50 once again, and Foaly's long face flashed before his mind. The centaur had been seated inside the microcar when they impacted.

He hurried forward, already planning. They were stuck several kilometers away from the nearest house. The centaur was probably too injured to move, he might even be trapped inside the wrecked vehicle. He would have to stop any bleedings the centaur might have, and then run for help. Should he go to the school? No, the houses of Capnagower were closer, and he could run downhill all the way. All of this he thought out during the four seconds it took him to reach the microcar.

The shadow from the oak tree clouded the ground as he reached it. He could not see Foaly through the broken car window. He ripped the door open. "Foaly?!" No answer, not even a moan.

Artemis put on hand inside one of his pockets and produced a flashlight/laser pointer, which he used to illuminate the inside of the microcar. The centaur wasn't there. With an accelerating heart, Artemis quickly looked around inside. There were blood on the modified seat, but beside that, not a single trace of Foaly remained.

Artemis turned around and shouted into the night. "Foaly! Can you hear me?!" The only answer he got was the chill of a sudden breeze across his face. What was going on? Had the centaur been strong enough to walk? That seemed very unlikely, considering the amount of blood inside the microcar. Had someone taken him then? But where, and why? And why leave him behind? He let his arms fall to his sides, completely at loss. 

"Your friend is fine, don't worry", said a soft voice behind him.

Artemis whirled around, pointing his flashlight at the source of the voice. The beam of light hit a small creature, slightly bigger than half of his size, who upon being flashed in the face cringed and let out a small screech.

"Who's there?!" Artemis yelled, his voice cracking halfway through the sentence.

"Get that light out of my face you stupid Mud Boy, you're blinding me!"

Artemis blinked, offended. Even in the middle of a potentially life-threatening situation like this, an insult to his intellect made him indignant. While searching around for a weapon with his foot, a rock, a stick, anything, he studied the person in front of him.

It was an elf, female. She was hunched atop the wrecked microcar, trying to block the light with her hands. She was dressed in a green school uniform, which formed a nice contrast to her nutty skin-color.

"_A student!" _Artemis realized, relieved. He lowered the flashlight, illuminating the ground between them.

The elf lowered her hands, blinking twice, before scowling at him. Her eye color was undetectable in the weak light, but he could see that her shoulder long hair was auburn, like the trunk of a chestnut. The shine from his flashlight made her face glow with exotic beauty. For a moment, Artemis was almost mesmerized, then she spoke.

"Some D'arvn good manners you have Mud Boy, acting like this after I just saved you're life."

"_Off course!" _Artemis thought. "You healed me? With magic? Is that why I'm not hurt?"

"Yes, that was me. Your shoulder was broken, and your skull was almost cracked. Had I arrived a few minutes later it might've been too late."

_To late… _

"Foaly", he said quickly. "There was a centaur with me. Did you heal him too?"

"Yeah", the elf answered. "But I only had enough sparks left for the most severe wounds. Fortunately, I had a moonbelt on me, so I managed to fly him down to the village's clinic."

Artemis pressed on. "So he is going to be fine?"

"Yes", she said reassuringly, softened by his evident concern. "The pixie medic took care of him, he'll be completely fine tomorrow."

Artemis closed his eyes and let out a sigh of intense relief, relaxing for the first time since he woke up. "Thank you, thank you so much. If you had not been there, we would both have died tonight. If there's anything I can do to repay you, don't hesitate to ask me."

The elf inclined her head and regarded him with amused eyes. "You're serious about that?"

"Off course!" Artemis exclaimed.

"So if I were to say that you're now my personal slave for the next ten years, you would oblige?"

Artemis blinked. "Pardon?"

The elf jumped down from the microcar and landed in the grass on light feet, laughing. "Relax Mud Boy, I'm joking. You don't have to do anything. This one's on the house."

"I see…", Artemis said slowly. He had to force himself to not bite back with one of his 1456 memorized retorts, carefully designed for situations like this. This person had just saved his life after all.

The elf looked up at him. The light from his flashlight was reflected in her eyes, making them sparkle. He could see what color they were now. Brown. No, hazel.

"You're a student too, right?" She asked.

"Of course I am, what else should I be?"

"Dunno. A hobo maybe?"

"And you drew that conclusion based on what observation?"

"Well, you're certainly dressed like one."

Artemis snorted. "You know perfectly well that that is due to the accident I was just involved in."

The elf laughed again. "That's what you get for letting a centaur drive."

Artemis was about to respond, but stopped himself before another word could leave his mouth. What was he doing? It was not like him to converse so relaxed with a complete stranger that he really had no business with. When he thought about it, he could not recall a single instance in his life of him exchanging more than five words with a girl his own age. Not that the fairy before him was actually of age with him, even though she was a teenager by fairy standards. But something about this short elf just seemed to draw jabber out of him. Strange.

His trail of thought was interrupted when the elf looked at a digital watch on her wrist, before cursing loudly.

"D'arvit, it's past eleven, now what am I going to do?!"

Eleven. The curfew. He had managed to break one of the school restrictions before the school had even begun. And he had not even done it on purpose. How utterly embarrassing.

He sighed. "We'll just have to explain the situation to them. Don't worry, none of this is your fault, I'm sure you won't receive any punishment. You might even get an award when I tell them you saved me."

"Not when they see this", the elf said gloomily, patting some kind device strapped to her back. After taking a closer look at it, Artemis realized that it was a set of wings.

"Students are forbidden from bringing wings?"

"Yeah, even if you have a license for the D'arvn thing. They're going to confiscate it. I took me four years to save up enough money to buy it too."

Artemis chuckled. "That's what you get for ignoring school regulations."

This time it was the elf's turn to snort. "I saw what's in those canisters Mud Boy. You got nothing on me."

Right, the canisters. Artemis climbed up on the stowage plan to check them while saying: "I really don't see the problem, to be completely honest. You have wings, don't you? Can't you just fly over the walls and sneak into your dorm room without anyone noticing.?"

The elf shook her head. "Don't you know? Dian Cecht is not only a school, it is also a fairy embassy above ground, packed with our technology. The security is therefore topnotch, to make sure that any unwanted Mud Men can't sneak in and see what is not for them to see."

"You know, you are the first fairy I've met that does not put a single effort into staying politically correct and evade such racial slurs. And I have actually met quite a few."

"I'll take that as a compliment, Mud Boy."

"Take it as whatever you want", Artemis answered, pleased to find that all the canisters were miraculously unharmed. "I'll tell you what. Help me hide these canisters somewhere and I'll get you back into your dorm, completely undetected."

"And how are you going to do that with cameras covering every other inch of that giant wall that surrounds it?"

"If my understanding is correct, your fairy magic enables you to increase the speed of your heart rate, causing you to vibrate in a frequency undetectable to the naked eye, correct?"

"Yes", the elf said. "But as I already told you, I'm out of magic. I used my last sparks to heal you and the centaur."

"And since the school's security system is meant to keep humans, not fairies out", Artemis continued, ignoring the second half of the elf's reply, "then it is safe to assume that the cameras are not designed to detect shielded fairies, correct?"

"Yeah, probably", the elf said impatiently. "But as I already told you, I don't have any magic for the moment."

"Indeed. But you would if you completed the ritual."

The elf froze.

"Judging from your reaction, I'd say the fact that I know about the ritual is somewhat shocking to you."

"How do you know about the ritual", the elf asked, her voice monotonous and cold. "Mud People aren't supposed to know about that."

Artemis reached into one of his pockets, producing a tiny item the size of a matchbox. The elf's eyes widened upon seeing it.

"Where did you…?"

"Come across the book of the people?" Artemis finished. "I bought it from a dwarf in Paris for 2000 Euros. He seemed only glad to get rid of it."

The elf held out one hand. "Give it to me." Not a request. A command.

Artemis raised one eyebrow. "And if I refuse?"

"Then I'll take it from you. It is not for you to read."

It was painfully obvious to Artemis that the elf was not bluffing. Oh well, he had already memorized the entire thing anyway.

"As you wish", he said, before tossing it to the elf. She caught it with one hand and let it slip into a pocket of her own.

"I just saved your life Mud Boy."

"Yes, I noticed."

"And you said I could ask of anything as repayment."

"I did."

"Then I want to swear on what is most holy to you to never let anyone else of your kind know about the secrets in this book."

"I can do that."

Now it was the elf's turn to lift an eyebrow. "That easily?"

"The information in that book is ten, no, a _hundred_ times more valuable to me if I am the only human to possess it."

The elf snorted again. "Self-interest. How human."

"Do you want me to swear or not?"

"No, after what you just said, I don't think I's necessary."

"Because you trust in my self-interest infinitely more than you trust in my honesty, right?"

"Exactly."

Artemis sighed. "Then shall we get back to the matter at hand? The way I see it, all we need to do is get your magic back and then all of our problems will be solved."

"Well, since you clearly know about the ritual, then you have to know about the small details, like the full moon, oak tree and riverbend."

"Correct me if I am wrong, but doesn't the ritual work even if there isn't a full moon?"

"With a reduced effect, yes."

"And I believe we have an oak tree right here" Artemis said, tapping lightly on the trunk the microcar was hugging."

"Doesn't matter, we still need a riverbend, and there's no river on this Island."

Artemis didn't answer. Instead he turned around and started to walk up the grass covered slope.

"Hey, what are you doing?!" the elf shouted.

"I'm going to make a riverbend."

The elf blinked. "What?!"

"There's a tarn up here, beside the road. All we need to do is create a small canal that bends around the oak." He picked up a stick and began to work with the earth.

The elf laughed. "You really believe that's going to work?"

"I _know _it's going to work."

The elf jumped back on top of the microcar and looked at him drudge for approximately ten minutes until he was finally finished.

"There, that should do it."

"You've formed a brook, Mud Boy, not a river. There's no way it's going to work."

"Would you just try, please?"

The elf scowled at him, but in the end she switched on her wings and ascended grudgingly. Her hand closed around an acorn, and she let herself fall back to the ground. A cat would have made more noise upon hitting the ground like that.

She pushed the oversized nut into the earth and quickly mumbled, "I return you to the earth and claim the gift that is my right."

Nothing happened. She lifted her head and opened her mouth, probably to say: "I told you so", but she never got the chance, because the second she took her eyes from the acorn, a small surge of blue sparks exploded out of the earth, flowing into her like pumpkin juice on a hot day. She watched the sparks trickle across her fingers, amazed.

"I seems like I am the one who get to say I told you so", Artemis said, his eyes glowing as he looked at the scene before him. "_Amazing", _he thought.

The elf got back on her feet, examining her own hands with astonishment. "I just can't believe that worked."

"Simple deductive reasoning", Artemis said. "How big must a brook become before you can call it a small river? Where do you draw the line? You can't. Therefore I decided that as long as you have a flow of water, no matter how little, you have a magical hotspot. And it seems I was right."

"Don't get all cocky just because you lucked out Mud Boy."

"False humility is barely any better than arrogance. Now would you please help me hide these canisters?"

They placed the silvery boxes between some bushes and Artemis quickly memorized the spot, before turning to the elf and said: "So, shall we return to the school?" There was only one problem however. The elf was gone.

Before he could even think of cursing loudly, something grabbed hold of his belt and he was yanked into the air. A yell of surprise, fear and protest passed through his mouth as he began to fly.

An arm materialized beside both sides of his head, and a laughter filled with joy ringed in his ears. The elf had fastened him to her moonbelt.

"You could have warned me!" he shouted through the air pressing against his face.

"Stop whining Mud Boy! Don't think, just enjoy it!"

And Artemis had to admit that it was enjoyable, flying through the air like this, watching the road crawl forward under him, like a gigantic, grey snake. He could understand perfectly well why the elf would risk punishment by smuggling her wings with her.

They arrived outside the eastern wall after just a minute. The elf sat him down on the ground again and unhooked him from her moonbelt. "I need to fix the positioning on some of those cameras to create a blind spot so that I can take you too. Wait here." And just like that, she was gone once again.

Artemis watched the shimmering shape of the shielded elf hover across the ground until it disappeared. "_When I decided to come here, I had expectations, but I certainly didn't imagine that I would be able to observe both fairy magic and technology before half a day had passed." _His lips formed a wry smile. Things seemed to be turning out better than he had hoped.

And then the elf was back, lifting him up by his armpits as she gave him a quick lift over the wall. She landed on the graveled road, quickly removing her wings from her back.

"We won't have a problem as long as the centaur doesn't talk", she said, staring at him with a business-like look. "I assume you'll talk to him tomorrow?"

"He won't say a word", Artemis assured her. "He owes you now, and besides, he has as much to lose as us if we get caught by the school administration. But yes, I'll talk to him tomorrow." Then something dawned on him. "You know, I never asked for your name", he said.

She looked up at him, her expression hidden by the shadow of the wall, but she did raise her hand. "Holly Short."

He squeezed her hand gently. "Artemis Fowl."

Holly let out a small snicker. "Artemis? Isn't that a girl's name?"

"Long story."

"You will have to tell me it sometime", she said, studying him for a few seconds, before turning around and sprinting across the shady park towards the girl's dorm. Artemis watched her until he could no longer see her, then he turned around and started to walk back towards his own dorm.


	3. Day 1

**Well, I'm not impressed with myself for being so slow with this update, but to my defense, I **_**did **_**put up another chapter of my other AF fanfic, but I apologize all the same. The great majority of my reviews seem to be revolved around updating, so to accommodate you, I'll create a box at the bottom of my profile where I'll put daily information about my progress, so just go there from now if you wonder how I'm doing. **

Artemis awoke the next morning to the smell of fried bacon and boiled eggs, not to mention the sweet aroma of coffee. He sat up in the double-decker's lower bunk(Butler had claimed the upper one) and looked around.

His roommate was already up, preparing breakfast with some cooking equipment he'd obviously brought with him from home. As Artemis got on his feet and stretched, he could see Butler living up to his name by expertly flipping a pancake with a frying pan.

Artemis yawned. "You're an early bird I see."

"Yup", Butler answered. "Want something to eat?"

"Don't mind if I do", Artemis said while slipping into the green school uniform. "Do you really have so little faith in the school's cafeteria that you have to resort to cooking in your own bedroom?"

"Do you want some eggs or not?"

"Two please, and some ham would be nice as well."

They dragged one of the desks out from beside the wall and used it as a breakfast table.

"You know", Butler said while sipping his coffee, "you scared the living daylights out of me when you turned up here in the middle of the night dressed like you'd crawled through six fences made of barbed wire."

"I assure you that that was not my intent, I've already told you what happened."

Butler chuckled. "One day on the Island and you've already been in a car wreck and gotten healed by some hot elf girl. Aren't you lucky?"

"It was extremely painful when I hit the ground, thanks for asking."

"Stop whining and pass the sugar."

Artemis obliged. "Say, have you acquired our schedules in paper yet?"

Butler handed him a sheet that showed their timetable in different colors. "Enjoy."

Artemis gave it a quick look to memorize it, courtesy of his photographic memory, then put it away so that he could concentrate on his eggs.

"So, first class is biology", Artemis said. "We have that together."

"Mhm", Butler grunted, his mouth full of egg and bread.

"Then it's mathematics, followed by psychology." He sighed. "And then, it's physical education."

"I'm looking forward to that."

"Good for you. Personally, I don't see why gymnastics should be mandatory. It's not like it'll be of any use to most of us once we graduate from this place."

"Well, in your case I think working out wouldn't be of any harm" Butler remarked, while studying Artemis's not too impressive upper body physique.

"I don't like the way you're looking at me right now. Please look at something else."

Butler chuckled again, shifting his gaze back to his food.

They quickly finished their meals and grabbed the books they needed and hurried off. Most of the students were still in the cafeteria, except the few who, like Butler, preferred to cook their own food. On their way through the dorm, Artemis noticed the demon from the day before. This time, he was grilling a rabbit on a stick over a fire he'd made inside a big pot. So as not to set the floor on fire, Artemis supposed.

The main School building's front door was gigantic and full of carvings that depicted fairy history, from their arrival in Ireland several dozen millennia ago, to the battle of Taillte, where the fairies were finally forced underground for ten thousand years.

As the two of them walked up the white stairs to the main entrance, Something caught Artemis's eye. One of the carvings showed something he assumed was an elf. He or she(he could not decide the gender), was holding something that looked like a shining, blue orb. His hand started to itch as he looked at it, and for one second, he could have sworn that it glowed faintly. Then, Butler said something and the moment was gone.

"What?" Artemis asked, bewildered.

"I asked you if you know where we're supposed to go."

"Ah yes, follow me."

The biology classroom was located on the third floor, its windows facing North. It seemed like half of the class had arrived when the two of them reach it, most of whom was gathered around a stuffed troll beside the blackboard. Artemis recognized the pixie twins from the day before.

"Come on", Butler said. "Let's grab a couple of desks by the windows."

The rest of the class arrived as Artemis and Butler seated themselves. Artemis spotted the elf girl from last night, Holly. She claimed a seat in the front row, and as she sat down, she lifted her eyes and their gazes locked. They looked at each other for a few seconds, then she gave him a short nod, which Artemis returned, before he opened his bag to collect his textbook.

Butler, who had noticed the short exchange between the two of them, leaned forward and poked Artemis's back.

"Hey Artemis, was that the girl you met last night?"

Artemis nodded without turning to look at his friend. Wait, friend? Since when had they become friends? They had met less than 24 hours ago for heaven's sake! Before, when his parents had hosted large parties in their home in Dublin, he had avoided talking to the other kids as much as he could, but somehow, conversing with the individual behind him seemed as natural as interacting with members of his own family.

_Interesting, _Artemis thought. _I will have to examine this later_.

He dropped the train of thought as their teacher entered the room, a young sprite who seemed extremely energetic, at least if the way his wings would start to flap and make him hover above the master's desk every time he got slightly excited could be interpreted as a sign of that.

The teacher began the lesson by doing a roll-call. When it was Artemis's turn to respond, he once again got the feeling that the teacher's eyes rested a second too long on him, just like yesterday, but he brushed it aside as paranoia due to last night's events.

When the teacher reached Foaly's name, Artemis considered saying that the centaur was sick, but changed his mind. He didn't owe Foaly anything, let the centaur make up his own excuse once he returned.

Artemis was unsurprised to find that nothing the sprite had to teach them was new to him. He had written several articles on the subject for many different scientific magazines under the pseudonym Danio Reri. He didn't take a single note during the 90 minute class. That would have to wait until they reached the subject of fairy anatomy.

As they gathered their books, Artemis looked through the window and studied the mainland several kilometers away. He wondered briefly how his family was doing. Myles and Beckett would be awake by now, probably wreaking havoc while being chased around the hosue by miss Helena, the poor maid. The thought made him smile.

Their math teacher was a pixie, so short that she needed a stepladder to even reach the blackboard. The algebra she learned them was so ridiculously easy that Artemis didn't see the need to pay any attention at all. Instead, he began to scribble down a sketch of the wings he'd seen Holly use last night, deducing the function of the different components, making small improvements, here and there.

When the bell rang, Artemis saw Holly disappear through the door beside a female centaur. He starred at her for several seconds, watching how the wind from an opened window played in her hair, until he realized what he was doing, horrified. Since when did he care about _girls? _And someone of a different species even?He had come to this school for the freedom to use his intellect unhindered, not drool after the first girl that crossed his path. But even so, for a brief moment, the picture of Holly's brown eyes enlightened by his flashlight danced before his mind.

Damn hormones.

Butler flicked him on the shoulder. "Are you going to sit there and gape into the air during the whole lunch break, or are you going to the cafeteria?"

Artemis shook his head, annoyed with himself. "Of course I'm coming."

The cafeteria was located on the first and second floor, a room the size of an opera hall. A grand staircase in front of the buffet led up to the second floor, whose windows all turned west, towards the great ocean.

The two boys found themselves a table in a corner on the ground floor. Artemis, who had just caught himself looking for Holly, decided to start a conversation, just to distract himself.

"So… Butler", he began. "Where are you from?"

"Ireland, same as you. I was born in Tokyo though."

"Really? I assume that was where your parents met?"

"Yeah, my father was a member of the English army, my mother was… a restaurant worker."

_He's lying, _Artemis realized, surprised. Should he press on? No, there could be a number of different reasons for the young Eurasian to hold back the truth. It wasn't any of his business anyway.

He continued. "So, why did they send you to this school?"

"Because it is said to be one of the best."

"You have any plans for the future?"

"No."

Artemis's instincts told him that the other boy was lying again, but before he could continue the trail of thought, Butler caught him off guard with a question of his own.

"What about you, where in Ireland do you come from?"

"Dublin. We have a house near Ridgewood."

"Your family's rich?"

"Adequately. Not as much as it once was, but we make do. Anyway, you did not state the location of your own home."

"I live in the south."

Artemis was getting a little tired of how the other boy was dodging his questions, but before he could state another one, Butler looked at his watch and whistled. "Time's almost up, we gotta hurry or we'll be late to psychology."

Artemis was both relieved and annoyed when he realized that Holly was not in this class. Apparently she had magical studies now. He snickered. Magical studies.

Their psychology teacher was an unusually tall and lean gnome named Argon, who used the first thirty minutes of the class to introduce himself and the textbook that he himself had written, a point he returned to over half a dozen times.

_This gnome likes the sound of his own voice, _Artemis mused as his watch beeped two times to announce the dawn of another hour. _A moderate case of_ _autovoxiphillia perhaps? _

Either way, he decided that this teacher, like the two previous, had nothing to teach him and returned his attention to the wing sketch.

He was just about finished with the shading when a real, small but real shadow fell across his desk. He looked up, surprised by the fact that the teacher had actually noticed his disinterest in the lesson amidst his own jabbering, but then again, it was the psychologists' job to be observant.

The gnome, who was shorter than Artemis even whilst standing, gave him a smile that was as fake as a three-dollar bill and said: "Is the lesson not to your liking Mr.…", he had to consult the class list, "Fowl…?"

Artemis could feel the weight of thirty gazes upon him as he closed his eyes and folded his hands in front of him, forming a completely sober pose.

"Professor Argon, you are correct, this lesson is not at all to my liking."

"Really? And what, specifically, do you dislike about it?"

Artemis inhaled deeply. "The fact that the teacher is wearing a wig made of horsehair, and your face carry the marks of multiple Dewer injections. A good indication of Gerontophobia, I'd say. Your style of clothing gives me the impression that you are overly meticulous. My guess is that you have experienced humiliation on several occasions earlier in life, and as a result, you have developed an obsession with being taken seriously at all times. In short, you crave for respect. This was clear to me the moment you went out of your way to smack down on a student that was not interrupting the lesson in any way shape or form. Furthermore, that light stripe of skin on your right ring finger suggests that you have until recently worn a wedding ring, which you now have removed because you're newly divorced. A man of your age and profession should be able to sustain a stable relationship with his wife, don't you agree professor?"

The gnomish professor looked at the young human in front of him as if Artemis had just slapped him across the face with a wet Stink Worm. Beside them, Butler had to conceal a huge grin with his hand.

After some _really _quick thinking, Argon decided that the best way to resolve the situation was to smile and laugh playfully. "My, my, good show Mr. Fowl. I seem to have gotten quite the prodigy in my class. You'll have to dine with me one of these days. Show me more of these remarkable observation abilities of yours."

_Not very likely, _Artemis thought. But he was in no mood for an argument with a would-be gnomish intellectual, so he decided to let the good professor off the hook. For now.

"That would be delightful", Artemis said, still in a meditative pose.

"Excellent", the gnome said. "Now if you would excuse me, I have a class to attend to."

"I don't think you've made a friend in our dear professor", Butler remarked as Argon hurried out of the room after sending Artemis a particularly poisonous look through his two-inch glasses. "He's coming for you, mark my words."

Artemis snorted. "Let him. I won't let him off so easily next time."

Butler barked out in laughter. "If that back there were you going easy on him I'd hate to see what you'd do if you got serious. Scratch that, I would _love _to see you do that! But be warned, he might slit your throat while you sleep and bury you beneath the crunchball field."

"I'm sure you'd protect me. Come on, we still have gym before we're finished.

They changed their clothing to black shorts and plain, green t-shirts in one of the many locker rooms inside the sports building and then awaited the arrival of their teacher by a large stone with the rest of their class. Holly was there as well. When she saw the Artemis and Butler coming, she left her centaur friend and walked over to the two them. Artemis could not help to notice how much more revealing her current outfit was compared to their normal school uniform, and therefore made sure to look at her face, and _only _at her face as she approached.

"Hey there stranger", she greeted him. "Had a good night's sleep?"

Artemis felt awkward. She was talking to him like they were old friend, rather than two people who'd had their first meeting less than 24 hours ago. How should he proceed?

Butler seemed to notice his uneasiness and decided to intervene. "Oh he's slept like a log alright, nothing's like a near death experience to make a guy ready for a good slumber." He held out his hand. "I suppose you're the saving angel that I have to thank for the fact that I've still got a roommate?"

Holly studied the Eurasian boy for a few seconds, then held out her own hand, which disappeared completely in Butlers' big fist. "That would be me. And your name is…?"

"Butler."

Holly raised one eyebrow but did not make a comment. Instead, she turned back to Artemis. "I heard you had a little dispute with the psychology teacher. I hope you didn't rough him up too bad?"

Artemis was about to respond when a large, green scaled demon came tramping around the corner of the bathhouse. He was dressed in nothing but woolen pants and the students could see the sunlight being reflected in the natural armor on his muscular chest as he walked towards them.

He stopped a few meters away from the class, taking a few moments to study each member of the form(with an especially long look at Butler) before he began to talk with your typical coarse, demon voice.

"Okay newbies, I'm only going to say this once. LINE UP!", he said, roaring the last part.

The students quickly did as they were told, and the teacher started passing back and forth in front of them, like a general addressing his troops before a cavalry charge.

"Listen up you little wimps. I am Rawley. Not "professor", or "teacher", or "sir", just Rawley. And you will address me as such or I'll make you rue the day you decided to come here. Have I made myself clear?"

"Yes sir", sounded the answer.

Artemis had somehow ended up between Butler and Holly. He glanced aside, just in time to see Holly roll her eyes at the demon gym teacher.

"What did I just tell you, you D'arvn cretins? You shall address me as RAWLEY, not sir, RAWLEY. And what's with that whimpering anyway? I can barely hear you!"

"YES RAWLEY!"

The big demon nodded. "That's better, maybe there's hope for you after all. Now, I'm going to be blunt. I think this school, and the whole idea of peacemaking with the Mud Men, is a joke. But I am a teacher, not the chairman of the council, and I'm paid to force you brats into exercising, and that's what I'm going to do. And if I see one of you disobey me, or cry because you scraped your knee, I'm going to make you run barefooted back and forth across this Island until your feet fall off! Have I made myself clear?"

The students exchanged uneasy grins. He couldn't actually do that, could he?

"Oh, you think I'm joking, are you? Very well, as a warm-up exercise, you'll run all the way to the old lighthouse and back here. And don't even think of using those wings of yours sprites, if you do, I'll chop them off, so help me Frond."

Artemis raised his hand, sure he'd heard wrong.

"What is it human?" The demon grunted. "Can't follow simple orders?"

"Sir… I mean Rawley, it's almost five kilometers to the old lighthouse from here."

"And your point is?"

"Well, it seems like this warm-up exercise of yours would take the entire lesson."

The demon took two steps forward, so close to Artemis that his horns very nearly touched the boy's forehead. "Then I suggest you run fast Mud Boy", Rawley growled through his teeth. "Starting right _now._"

It took Artemis half an hour to reach the lighthouse, even with Butler running beside him to encourage him(and push him up the steepest hills), and then even longer to get back to the school. When they finally returned to the stone, he had to use it as support to keep himself from collapsing. Many of the other students were in no better shape, though a few, including Butler, Holly and the centaur(who had the luxury of four legs instead of two), seemed barely tired at all.

Rawley was not impressed. "That was pathetic. Back in the old days, the berserkers would run a course like that in fourth the time you used, and then complain that they weren't warm enough." The demon started grinning "But don't worry, I'll make proper athletes out of you, even if it'll kill you. Now, come with me. I have a little surprise for you."

_This one has issues, _Artemis thought. _Lots of issues. _

The surprise turned out to be a long pole, over twenty feet tall. It was made out of wood and had been so fine-polished that it's side had become as smooth as a dwarf bottom.

Rawley removed his belt from his waist and laid it out on the ground. Several, small flags in different colors was fastened to it. So was a bunch of short, metal spikes. Rawley picked up one of the green flags and one of the spikes.

"Listen up slackers! Your task is to use this spike to rivet your flag to the top of that pole. Those that succeed will be rewarded, those who fail will be punished. Now, a great demon once said that that which one can do, two can do twice as good. I happen to think that's utter nonsense, but I don't have enough flags here for all of you, so you'll have to do this in pairs. Now choose a flag and get moving! You have ten minutes."

The fairy/human teenagers moaned silently in unison, but obeyed nonetheless. Artemis and Butler formed a pair, choosing a white flag.

"How do you propose we go about this?" Butler asked while toying with the spike. "Only one of us can climb up with this."

"Let us see how the others do first", Artemis answered, absentminded.

Most of the other students tried to climb up with the flag and the spike fastened around their arms. The demons, imps and gnomes, who were extremely heavy compared to their height, barely got a few meters up before they had to give up. The pixies couldn't even get their arms around the pole and the one centaur in the class gave the pole a single look before she shook her head and yielded.

One of the sprites was dumb enough to ask Rawley if flying was considered cheating, and was rewarded with a murderous look from the teacher. One of the dwarfs seemed to do extremely well, his climbing seemingly effortless, until it started to rain. The dwarfs hold of the pole seemed to loosen and suddenly, without a hint of warning, he fell backwards with a scream. Luckily enough, he was caught by two of his friends. Then it was Holly's turn.

Unlike the others before her, she did not fasten the spike to her arm, but used it as support instead, jabbing it into the pole before dragging herself upwards. She made it _almost _to the top, but when only a single meter remained, exhaustion combined with the wetness on the pole got the better of her and she gave up, fastening the flag where she was. However, Rawley gave her an approving nod after she got down.

"Okay Mud Boys, it's your turn."

It had been painfully obvious to Artemis after seeing the first five failures, that neither him, nor Butler was capable of accomplishing this task through conventional means, especially now when the pole was wet. There was another way however. He pulled Butler aside and whispered a few words into his partner's ear.

The tall boy looked at him, doubtful. "You think he'll put up with that?"

"Improbable. But he did not state _how _we should do this."

"Hey, you two!" Rawley yelled. "Have you struck root? Get moving, unless you want me to come over there and throw you up."

Butler gave Artemis another look, then shrugged and tied the flag to the spike and raised his arm, holding the spike between his index and middle finger. Then, with one move, and the preciseness of a cobra, he threw the spike through the air like a throwing knife. It hit the pole almost exactly at the top, right above Holly's blue flag.

Rawley stared at the white flag as it waived lazily in the wind for several seconds, stone-faced. Nobody said a word.

"It seems we have our winners", he said at least, turning to the two humans, smiling like a watermelon. "You have completed the task most splendidly, and for that, you'll be rewarded. You get…", he held the words back.

_Don't do it Rawley, _Artemis thought, his teeth clenched.

"An extra three hour private lesson with me. Congratulations!"

Artemis felt his stomach turn. Beside him, Butler muttered something that sounded like: "I knew it."

"The rest of you, get in the shower. Your penalty for failing to complete the task will come at a later date, as soon as I've thought out something extra nasty!" For this statement, he was rewarded with moaning and scowling, but not a single student dared to protest. Instead, they hurried off.

Rawley turned back to his two victims, grinning. "Okay boys, ready for some fun?"

**FOUR HOURS LATER…**

"Twenty-seven!" Rawley yelled. "Twenty-eight!"

Artemis's arms ached like hell, his back couldn't have hurt more even if it had been broken, and his vision was blurred by sweat. Butler was far better trained than him, but he too seemed to be nearing his limit. Artemis had passed his own limit long ago, and was now operating on stubbornness alone. There was no way he'd show this demon any weakness.

"Twenty-nine! Thirty!"

Artemis collapsed on the grass, wheezing like an old man. There was not an ounce of strength left in his limbs.

Rawley checked his watch. "And _that _would be 240 minutes. I suppose you want to shower now. Personally, I enjoy nothing more than the smell of hard-earned sweat, but you youngsters can't appreciate things like that nowadays, I suppose." He turned around and started to walk towards the school building.

Butler had to lift Artemis by the arm and support him to keep him in an upright position.

"Are you sure you're done teach?!" he yelled after Rawley. "We still haven't broken any bones you know!"

The green demon turned around, lifting his arms to the side. "Welcome to Dian Cecht boy!" They could hear him laugh long after he'd disappeared in the twilight.

The warm shower felt like heaven when they got back to the locker room.

"That demon is going to pay", Artemis swore as he got back into his regular school uniform.

"Hear, hear", Butler grunted. "As long as we don't end up doing push-ups in the rain for four hours straight again."

When they got out of the building, they were surprised to be greeted by an unlikely couple. Holly was there, carrying a bag over her left shoulder. Beside her was none other than Foaly.

"Look who it is", Butler said grumpily. "The racer himself."

"Come now Butler", Foaly said nervously. "that's no way to greet a friend that's fresh out of the hospital."

"Oh, we're friends? Sorry, I wasn't aware of that."

Holly went between them before the centaur could respond. "Calm down boys, we're all grown-ups here."

Butler snorted. "Yeah, right."

"So", Artemis said quickly. "I trust you are fully functional Foaly? No lasting damage?"

"Yeah…", Foaly said slowly, scraping the ground with one of his front hoofs. "Ahem… how should I say this… I'm sorry."

Artemis studied him. "For nearly killing me you mean?"

"Yeah… that."

Artemis couldn't help but smile. "It's alright. Everyone can make a mistake and, fortunately for you, I'm a forgiving man." He looked at the bag Holly was holding. "I suppose that's the chemicals?"

"Yeah, after gym was over I went and collected them and met Foaly on the way back." She looked at him more closely. "Speaking of gym, you two look exhausted. Did Rawley _really _force you to train until now?"

"Yup, that guy got some control issues", Butler grunted.

"Let us not talk more about that", Artemis said. "Now that we got the chemicals we can fix the room of our four-legged friend here. Then, all of the evidence of yesterday's escapades will finally have been terminated."

"You do that", Butler said. "I'm going to lay down for a while." He started to walk towards the boy's dorm.

The big pile of foam in Foaly's room seemed to have shrunken somewhat overnight, but it still took all of the chemicals to get completely rid of it. The room was still a mess though. Most of the furniture was destroyed, and a large part of the wooden floor had melted away, exposing the earth beneath.

"If I were you", Holly said, "I'd fix this before one of the teachers come for an inspection, because if they see this, you'll be kicked out of this school before you can say "troll dung_"." _

Artemis gave her an odd look. "Why troll dung?"

"Don't know. It was the first word that came to mind."

"Interesting." He turned to the centaur. "Well, if that's all I'm going to bed. I've had a rather long and disappointing day. Good night."

The three of them shook hands.

"Thank you again for all your help, both of you", Foaly said.

"Don't mention it donkey-boy", Holly grinned.

"As long as you let me take another look at that little garage of yours", Artemis said.

Foaly grimaced. "I suppose I can't refuse you that after what happened."

"You suppose right."

The human and the elf left the centaur to his mess and walked out into the main corridor. Holly checked her watch.

"It's getting late. I think I'm going to turn in as well."

Artemis stared down at her, conflicted. He wanted to question her about something that had been bugging since he'd first seen her, but didn't know how to ask.

Holly began to walk away from him "Well, I guess I'll see you later-"

"Holly."

She stopped. "Yes… Artemis?"

"Have we meet before?"

He had expected her to react with surprise, before laughing the question off, but instead she looked at him calmly, without a blink even.

"I don't think so. Why do you ask?"

"It's just… It's hard to explain. You just… seem familiar, that's all."

"Strange that you should mention it", Holly said, her brown eyes shimmering in the light from the ceiling lamp. "I felt exactly the same when I found on that hill." She closed her eyes and smiled, shaking her head. "He, maybe we knew each other in a different life or something. Wouldn't that have been interesting?"

Artemis laughed. "That would have been something indeed." His feelings seemed silly now, after he'd vented them. "Thank you again, for saving me."

Holly brushed it aside with one hand. "Ah, it would have been troublesome for everyone if somebody were to die right before the semester started. Besides, I have a feeling things might get a lot more interesting with you around, Mr. Fowl."

The door to nr. 42 flew open, revealing an angry Butler. "Could you turtle doves keep it down please? Some of us are trying to sleep."

Artemis could not prevent a faint blush from creeping appearing on his cheeks. "There are things called earplugs. You should consider using them,"

Holly, who seemed extremely distressed all of a sudden, checked her watch again. "Whoops, look at the time! Catch you guys later!" She practically stormed off.

"That was quite uncivil of you", Artemis reprimanded his friend. "It's not her fault you got your pride wounded."

"Oh, pardon me. Did I scare off your girlfriend?"

"Shut up."

**AN: Well, that's it for now. Not much action in this one, I had to sum up the events from the first two chapters while getting the semester started(please do review if there was something you felt I could have done differently or better), but don't worry, I promise lots of fun in the next chapter. "How can I be sure", you ask? One word. MULCH!**

**In response to reviewers: **

**Guest: In response to your question about how the flashlight survived while his other gadgets didn't, well, it's smaller and sturdier. And what do mean when you say that I comment on Artemis's fine Artemis? **

**G'lantFowl: I would love to help you out man, but I have no idea about what you're babbling about. Dragon archive? (I'm still new to this site)**

**Tawny: I never expected anyone to actually read my profile, so I didn't bother putting anything particularly intelligent in it, but thanks anyway. Do not worry, I have no intention of disappearing and I'm extremely happy about the fact that my story appeals so much to you that you'd consider sending a troll after me, should I ditch you guys. Please retain that attitude. **


	4. The Phantom Burglar

**I'm back! Sorry for the delay, I've been lazy, I know, but on the upside, I'm posting a chapter in each of my two stories simultaneously, and this is the longest one I've written yet. I present to you: The Mulch chapter. **

Holly Short flew. It was late afternoon and she was gliding forward on a southern breeze, enjoying the warmth of the sun against her skin and the feeling of the air caressing her face. She adjusted her wings and began a sudden dive down toward the ocean beneath her, pulling up just a second before she hit the water. She let one hand breach the ocean surface and studied her own form mirrored in the water as she raced the seagulls across the waves. Nothing could be compared to this. The feeling of complete freedom as she kicked in the engine and ascended once again.

She did not want to turn back when the evening came at last, but she had no choice. Caballine, her roommate was suspicious enough as it was. Truth be told, she had been sneaking out a bit too often the last couple of days. She would have to be more careful in the future. With a sigh, she turned around and began on the home trip.

She used her shielding to sneak through the school's security systems, as usual, and didn't turn it off until she was safe on the ground, hidden by a large hedge. She quickly showed her wings down in the bag she'd placed among the hedge's rots earlier and then began to jog towards her dorm.

Caballine was nowhere to be when she entered their room, so she quickly placed her bag in her own closet and walked into the bathroom to take a shower. Her hair was all messed up after two, long hours of soaring through the air, so she used both shampoo and hair conditioner to straighten it out. The muscles in her body was somewhat tensed after a long day of hard physical exercise, Rawley had made them all run extremely long courses while dragging car tires that were fastened with rope around their waists. The warm water felt good against her skin.

She was almost finished when she heard something, a tiny sound from her dorm room that somehow managed to penetrate the walls. Caballine had to be back. She called out to her Centeurian roommate, but no answer was given. Puzzled, Holly wrapped a towel around her waist and pushed the bathroom door open.

The first thing she noticed was the smell, overwhelming and horrible, then she took in the sight that met her, and it made her freeze in place. Someone was standing in the middle of the dorm room, a creature about thirty centimeters shorter than her. The creature was plump, but heavy built, with thick, muscular arms. It was dressed in an extremely weird collection of clothes, white track shoes, black shorts and a woolen sweater. The head was completely covered in a worn crunchball helmet. In its right, hairy hand, was her wings.

Shocked by this intrusion, Holly could only stand there, clutching her towel, as the two of them looked at each other. Then, the creature whirled around and jumped up on a desk and from there, out of the window.

Holly screamed. Was this guy crazy? They were on the third floor, he was going to break his legs! She rushed to the window, knocking a chair out of her path, and leaned out of it, looking around frantically. The intruder was nowhere to be seen.

XXXXX

The morning after, Artemis and Butler was walking along one of the many graveled paths towards the main school building.

"What do you make of this illusive burglar everybody is talking about?" Butler asked. "They make him sound like he's some kind of ghost."

Over the last week, several students had reported that their possessions had disappeared from locked rooms and lockers. Not in a single instance had any evidence been left behind.

"Inexplicable phenomenon or events are often given paranormal traits or explanations. It's the natural reaction when we come across something we cannot explain", Artemis said. "This however, does not seem to be anything worth worrying over. It's probably just an exaggerated rumor spread by people who have nothing better to talk about."

Butler chuckled. "Come now Artemis, you're not telling me you've never engaged in small talk to pass some time?"

"Conversation for the sake of conversation is just noise Butler, completely meaningless."

"Then what do you call this?"

"Oh, this conversation certainly has a purpose, your assessment."

Butler frowned. "My assessment?"

"Indeed. I'm _chatting _with you to evaluate you, to find out what makes you thick."

"…ok?"

"You see, despite living with and knowing you for a full week, I don't even know your first name. You have dodged all the questions I have asked that regard your background. I like to know the people close to me, what they think and _when _they think it."

"Now you're getting creepy."

"Alright, tell me your first name and I'll stop."

"No."

"Hm. Why keep it a secret I wonder? This is actually getting quite interesting."

The truth was, however, that Artemis had little interest in Butler's background. He was not assessing the Eurasian boy beside him, he was assessing _himself, _and this strange familiarity that seemed to come so easily when they spoke to one another. After a full week, he had still not figured it out. Very interesting indeed.

Their second class today was history, which was held on the fifth floor. The classroom walls was covered with maps and ancient texts, some translated, others not. Artemis was skimming through the textbook to see if there was anything he didn't already know, when Holly entered the room. She took the vacant desk beside him and slammed her books down onto it. She sent out all the signs of a completely black mood.

Artemis was intrigued. Like Butler, he had studied Holly from afar the last week, trying to deduce why he seemed to have this strange attraction towards her. He had even tried to talk with other girls in the school, to see if any of them were similarly interesting, but had found all new acquaintances boring and plain.

_Is it because she saved me? Can this be explained simply as the aftereffect of the circumstances of our first meeting? Or is it something else? I won't know until I get to know her for real. _

Without warning, Holly turned around and looked right at him. "Hey, Mud Boy." Her tone was not happy.

Artemis closed his textbook, a bit surprised. "Yes?"

"I need to talk to you. Alone."

Artemis fingers started to tingle, something he found extremely annoying. "Ok?"

Holly looked like she wanted to say more, but it was at that precise moment Kean Conall, the Elfin history professor chose to enter the classroom. The head teacher's natural authority immediately brought the students to silence, as the brown skinned elf began the roll-call.

Holly leaned forward and quickly scribbled something down on a piece of paper, which she proceeded to curl together and toss in his lap. Artemis opened it beneath his desk. It read: "Meet me where we landed."

"Mr. Fowl", professor Conall said calmly without taking his eyes from the class list. "I'm sure whatever miss Short has written you must be extremely interesting, but I still must ask the two of you to refrain from exchanging letters in my class, as it undoubtedly distract you from this very important lesson."

Artemis stared at the professor in disbelief. How on earth had he noticed that? A quick glance at Holly told him that she was just as clueless as he was. The rest of the students however, found it most amusing.

When the lesson was finally over, Holly got up from her seat and was out of the door in a flash. Artemis had to sweep his books down into his bag and run after her.

XXXXX

"A burglar in your room you say?"

The two of them were standing on one of the many graveled roads that could be found on the school grounds, far from anyone else. Holly had just told him about how her wings had been stolen the evening before.

"And you did not see what species he or she belonged to?"

Holly shook her head. "I could see that it was a fairy, but I could not tell what specific species he belonged to. He was too well disguised."

"And you're certain it was a he?"

"Yes, whatever he was, he was way too hairy to be a she, plus, he smelled awfully."

Artemis nodded. It did not really surprise him that all the rumors that currently flew around actually had a basis in reality.

"Well, considering what you told me, I think the perpetrator must have been either a gnome or a dwarf, but that still leaves us with around 200 suspects. And we cannot report this either, since you were not supposed to have those wings in the first place."

Holly scowled. "I worked my ass off in a curry drive-in for four years to buy those wings. I'm going to get them back, even if I have to ransack the rooms of every male gnome and dwarf on this Island."

Artemis chuckled. "Your sense of persistence is admirable, but you will never succeed with that course of action. It's far more likely that you'll end up being kicked out from this school."

"Then what do you propose Mud Boy? That I do nothing."

"For the moment", Artemis said. "I have a few ideas of have we can narrow down the suspect list, but it's going to take some time."

Holly eyed him catiously. "So you'll help me?"

"Off course", Artemis answered. "I still owe you for saving my life." _Not to mention that this is an excellent chance to get to know you better, so that I might determine the cause of this strange attraction. _

That made Holly smile. "I'm glad. I didn't know who else to talk to."

"I assure you, the pleasure is all mine."

XXXXX

Artemis used the rest of the day to pursue the rumors of this ghost burglar. It turned out that very few had actually seen the perpetrator, they had just discovered that many of their most precious belongings had disappeared from locked closets and rooms, and so on. A few claimed to have gotten a glimpse of the thief, and almost all the descriptions matched Holly's.

He had just talked to an angry demon who claimed he'd been robbed of twelve different, traditional, silver bracelets, and was walking around the back of the school, when he heard a loud thump from the nearest garbage container.

Curious, he went a little closer. With a loud bang, the container's lid was kicked open, and a filthy dwarf fell out of it. He was struggling with a furious fox, who had a big chunk of the dwarf's beard hair in its mouth. The fight lasted about five seconds, until the dwarf finally got a good hold around the fox's neck and managed to twist it around. Then, without further revue, he unhinged his jaw and ate the little, dog-like animal in one mouthful. The dwarf licked his lips and looked up, only now noticing Artemis.

Burp. "Hey there Mud Boy."

"Ah… hello", Artemis said warily.

The dwarf began to pick his gigantic, tombstone teeth. "To what do I owe the pleasure? Or are you simply just passing by?"

"I was one the way to my dorm… may I ask what you were doing in that container?"

The dwarf studied a small, white bone he'd picked out from between his teeth with a frown, as if he wasn't quite sure how it'd gotten there. "Obviously I was dumpster diving."

"Dumpster diving?"

"Yeah, why not? You'd be amazed at the things some people throw away. And then it is the occasional bonuses, like that fox. There's nothing like real, living meat you know." The dwarf patted his stomach with a grin.

Artemis studied the hairy fairy a little closer. He wore a somewhat torn school uniform, but no shoes. His beard was reddish brown, as thick as a bush and seemed… alive, at least if judged by how it moved even when the dwarf's head was still. Like most dwarfs, he was a little plump, but his arms seemed strong and muscular. Even from a distance of several meters, Artemis could smell the stench of junk, sweat and something else he couldn't even describe.

"Argh", the dwarf exclaimed, hitting himself on the forehead. "Where are my manners?" He strode forward, offering a hairy hand. "The name's Mulch Diggums, pleased to meet you, scrawny Mud Boy."

Artemis shook the dwarf's hand as lightly as possible. "Artemis Fowl." He had to suppress a relived sigh when the dwarf finally let go. He also had to resist the urge to wipe his hand on his uniform.

"Well, the dumpster's all yours if you'd like, but considering how disgustingly clean your hands are, I'd say you probably don't." The dwarf squatted, opening a bum-flap on the posterior of his pants.

"What are you doing?" Artemis asked, alarmed. The dwarf was not going to start to defecate in front of him?

Mulch Diggums grinned up at him. "Sorry Mud Boy, but I got things to go and places to do. See yah later." And with those words, the dwarf unhinged his jaw once again and disappeared into the ground.

Artemis had to leap backwards to evade the recycled earth that came spewing out of the dwarf's rear end. A few seconds later, the tunnel was closed and no sign of the dwarf remained, beside a few strands of hair lying on the ground. Speaking of which…

Artemis squatted and picked up a single strand of hair. It was extremely thick, but not flexible, as he'd expected. Instead, it was hard as a rock. Artemis studied it for several seconds, spinning it between his fingers. Very interesting.

He brought up all the other memories he had of dwarfs, and was immediately reminded of that afternoon a week ago, when that dwarf had climbed that pole so easily, until the rain started to fall. Very interesting indeed.

XXXXX

"You need what?" Foaly said, incredulous.

"A locator", Artemis repeated. "A small one, with a range that covers the entire Island. I'd make it myself, but I lack the right materials."

The centaur eyed him suspiciously. "And what do you need this locator for, may I ask?"

"Have you heard the recent rumors about all the thefts that has occurred over the last week?"

"The ghost burglar? Sure, I installed several security cameras and booby-trapped the window when I heard about it."

It was Artemis turn to be incredulous. "You _booby-trapped _the window?"

"More or less. It probably won't kill that burglar guy if he tries to get through, but he'll get a nice burning."

"You know, that might be fatal to a dwarf."

Foaly decided to change the subject. "So why, did you say, do you need this locator?"

Artemis told him.

"Hm", Foaly said. "When you put it like that, I might be able to help you out."

XXXXX

Artemis revealed his plan to Butler the next morning, as they were walking towards the cafeteria.

"Hmm, I have to admit that's kind of smart, and I'd like to catch this guy before he steals any of our stuff, but are you sure it'll work, luring him into a trap like that?" Butler asked.

"Pretty sure", Artemis answered. "Now, remember to spread the rumor mainly amongst the dwarven students."

"How can you know that the culprit is a dwarf?"

"Because I know something you don't", Artemis said, grinning vampiricly (_**is that even a word? Meh, f**k it**_).

"Have anybody ever told you have incredibly annoying you are when you smile like that?"

Artemis's smile widened. "Many times."

XXXXX

Artemis was halfway through his chicken salad when Butler came back to their table.

"All done, I've spoken to the guys in the tunneling club, and several others. The rumor will be spreading like a virus by now."

Artemis swallowed and nodded, pleased. "Very well, you shall have to sleep with one eye open tonight."

"You think he'll come running that quick?"

"Yes I do. As I told you, I have spoken to the victims of this thief. Several of the things he stole was of very little value, not even close to being worth the risk of being caught. This thief is not looking for easy money, he is looking for thrill, excitement and challenges. He regards the items he steals as trophies, and what better trophy than a real one?"

"So we'll sleep with one eye open tonight."

"No, _you_ will. I need enough sleep to keep my mind working at optimal capacity."

Butler snorted. "In other words, I'm the brawn and you're the brain."

"Correct. Does that displease you?"

"Not if we catch the guy", Butler said, lifting a glass of apple juice to his lips.

XXXXX

Artemis went to bed fully clothed that night, covering his body with the eiderdown. While waiting for sleep to sink in, he went over the observations that had led him to believe that the phantom burglar was a dwarf.

First, the stiff strand of hair he had collected from the ground. The dwarf's beard hair had seemed extremely flexible when it was still connected to the dwarf. Hence, dwarf hair must stiffen upon being pulled out. That would make the perfect picklock, and explain how the thief had broken into locked rooms without destroying the lock.

Then there was the dwarf who'd climbed that pole with such ease, until the rain had started to fall. Artemis had pondered upon this for several minutes until he found the answer: pores that drink.

It was so obvious, how better to keep the amount of liquid in your body stable beneath the ground? Suppose theses pores began to suck when a dwarf grew thirsty. That would explain how the thief had managed to climb into Holly's apartment, despite the fact that it should have been impossible.

And finally, the stench Holly had described. Butler had reported that all the dwarfs, male and female, smelled equally disgusting. Courtesy of immense amounts of sunblock they smeared across their skin in order to not get sunburnt.

In other words, the phantom burglar was almost certainly a dwarf, and if the psyche profile Artemis had put together on the basis of what little he knew, he would certainly try to steal the five-pound gold trophy Artemis had won at the age of seven, in an international science contest. The faces of his fellow contenders, all of which were above the age of 35, as he walked up on the stage and claimed the prize for his eco-powered motorboat, was ranked among his most treasured memories. He'd called his parents and asked them to send it to him with express delivery, and was now placed on a shelf above Artemis's desk, with Foaly's locator fastened beneath the pedestal.

XXXXX

Butler was getting impatient. How long did the damn thief have to wait before he decided that the coast was clear? He checked his watch. Almost one and a half hour since they'd gone to bed.

He was just beginning to wonder if Artemis had gotten it all wrong when the faintest of sounds reached his ears. He turned his head slightly to the side, so that he could see the window clearly.

There was someone outside of their window, someone really small, with his head covered by a worn crunchball helmet. The phantom burglar had devoured the bait in one bait.

Butler kept one eye halfway open as the intruder coaxed his hand beneath the slightly pen window and swung it open without a sound. The fairy slipped through the window like a thief in the night (which he actually was) and landed lightly on the floor.

The smell of rotten bananas forced its way into Butler's nostrils, and he quickly began to breathe through his mouth. _If that's not a stinking dwarf, then I'm not a Butler. _

The intruder observed the two Mud Boys breathing in their respective beds for a minute or two, probably reassuring himself that they were both fast asleep. Then he went for the trophy.

Butler had to force back an exclamation when the intruder began to climb the wall like Spiderman himself. It seemed as though his palms sucked themselves firmly to the wall. It took him only a few seconds to snatch the trophy from the shelf and then get down again.

Butler watched as the thief studied the golden award in his hands with obvious delight. The little guy was standing almost directly beneath him. If he rolled out of the bed right now, Butler was sure he could catch the guy before he even realized what had happened. But Artemis had told him to not try to apprehend the thief before he left the room, not under _any _circumstances. So Butler just watched as the dwarf slipped out of the window, disappearing in the night. Not for one second did he consider how strange it was for him to unquestioningly obey his roommate like that.

Twenty seconds went by. Then, Artemis got out of his bed, a phone-sized device in his hands.

"The locator is working perfectly. The thief is making his way towards the main building right now. Let's go."

Butler nodded and rolled out of the bed. He got it now. They would follow the dwarf to see if he had a lair or something.

They ran across the shady lawn. There was a new moon, and the two of them could barely see a thing. Artemis stumbled a few times, each instance announced with soft cursing.

"Where is he now?" Butler whispered as they reached the school building's main entrance.

Artemis looked displeased. "It appears he's tunneled his way beneath the building. If his lair is underground will never catch him."

_I should have jumped him when I had the chance, _Butler thought.

"Wait!" Artemis exclaimed. "He's not stopping and he's begun to tunnel his way back towards the surface."

"Where?"

"The other side."

"More running then."

By the time they'd gotten around the whole building, the dwarf had resurfaced and entered a big garage/storage room in the main building's backyard, apparently by directly tunneling his way in.

Butler cursed. "Dammit, this door is secured Artemis, how are we going to get in?!"

"No worries", Artemis said, producing another small device from his pocket. "I got an extra cryptographer." Red lights turn green and the door swung open. They entered as quietly as possible.

Butler's night vision was starting to kick in, and he thought that he could see the dwarf just ten meters away. He had placed the trophy on a workbench of some sort and seemed to be looking for something under it.

The young Eurasian crept forward, careful not to step on something that could make a sound. Artemis remained where he was.

Butler was almost there now. He had both his arms raised, ready to grab the little sneak. He was just about to strike forward when the dwarf found some sort of shiny, metal tool and saw the boy reflected in it.

Everything happened in a flash. Butler saw that the dwarf had seen him, and reacted by lunging forward. A quick series of spasms went through the dwarf's body and Artemis shouted something that sounded like a warning. Then, when his fingers were a few centimeters away from the dwarf, the world exploded.

XXXXX

The concentrated dwarf gas hit Butler at close range and Artemis could only watch as his friend was blasted away. He flew several meters before crashing into the ground, motionless. The dwarf turned around, saw Artemis, turned back and took aim.

Artemis dived behind a minibus, barely evading the blast from the dwarf's posterior. Looking around a wheel, Artemis saw the dwarf close in on him, slowly but surely. Probably didn't want to waste what had to be his last gas reserves. Time to act fast.

"Halt!" Artemis yelled.

The dwarf actually stopped.

"I've caught you stealing my valuables, dwarf. Do you realize what kind of trouble you're in?"

"No", answered a muffled voice. "Not really. Not if I knock you out and get rid of the evidence." He began to move again.

Artemis began to move backwards, looking for an escape route. There was none. The dwarf had him trapped, cut off from the entrance.

"Listen to me dwarf! There's no need for this. Just walk out of the door and leave the trophy here. I won't report anything."

"Sorry", answered the phantom burglar, stepping around the minibus. "But you came here tonight to catch me. I don't know how you followed me, but it doesn't matter. I just need to show you who's boss, and then you won't bother me again, if you're smart."

The dwarf was mere meters away now, face to face with Artemis.

"How long do you think you'll be able to get away with this?!" Artemis shouted. _Keep talking, keep talking, distract him. _"Before the administration gets you?"

The dwarf turned around, pointing a big, hairy bottom at the Mud Boy. "If they do, it won't be because of you!"

And so the dwarf let the gas loose in Artemis's direction. Or, at least he would have, had not a certain, shielded elf chosen that precise moment to kick him in the head.

Not only was he knocked off his feet, but the gas he'd unleashed half a second before made him fly into the side of the minibus, headfirst. The dwarf slid onto the ground, unconscious.

Holly stopped shielding. When he saw her appear, Artemis was immensely glad he'd chosen to let Holly in on the plan by asking her to hide in his closet and tag along while shielding.

"I was beginning to wonder if you were even here", Artemis muttered. "Thanks for not waiting until the last possible moment with your breakneck rescue."

Holly grinned widely. "I save you again and you reward me with sarcasm? Ungrateful Mud Brat."

She turned and jogged over to Butler, which was lying sprawled out on the ground.

"Is he ok?" Artemis asked, a bit worried.

"Yeah!" Holly said loudly. "Got the breath knocked out of him and hurt his head but I think he's fine. I'll give him a few sparks, just to be safe." She put one finger at his temple and sent a small dose of magic into him.

Meanwhile, Artemis walked over to the dwarf, who seemed to be about to recover from his knockout.

"Holly."

The elf came running and placed one foot one the dwarf's chest, just to be safe, before she removed his helmet.

Artemis watched as the unmasked phantom burglar regained his consciousness. He whistled. "My, I must say I did not expect that."

XXXXX

Mulch Diggums awoke with a thundering headache, and no memory of the last two hours. He opened his eyes, believing he must have somehow fallen out of his bed again, and found himself lying on the ground, not in his bedroom, but at the feet of one elf and two humans. The elf had her arms crossed and observed him coldly. The smallest boy, who felt somehow familiar, was a slender, dark-haired youth with a smirk on his lips, seemed indifferent. The big, blond guy look mad. Very mad. And then it dawned on him.

"Ah, ehm, well… mercy?"

A second later the blond guy had him hanging upside-down, his right arm pulled back. "I'm going to punch you so hard that it'll cripple your grandchildren dwarf."

Mulch very nearly pissed himself, something that would have been disastrous, he hanging upside-down and all. Fortunately for him, the skinny guy decided to intervene.

"I'm afraid that will have to wait Butler. We still need this fellow to tell us where he's hidden the stolen goods, and that won't work if you break all his teeth."

The butler-guy dropped his arm, but not the vicious look in his eyes. He opened his hand, causing Mulch to fall back onto the ground. The elf stepped forward. "You heard him stinky, where are my wings?"

Mulch decided to play the village idiot. Maybe they would take pity on him and just break three or four teeth instead of all twenty-four of them. "Uh, wings? Sorry, but I wouldn't know anything about that."

"Funny man, huh?" The big Mud Boy grunted, making a point out of cracking his knuckles loudly.

The skinny Mud Boy sighed. "Mr. Diggums, we both know perfectly well that you're the so-called phantom burglar who has rampaged the last week by using your… quite amazing body functions. The gig is up. Tell us where you've hidden the things you stole."

Mulch was beginning to panic for real now. He was not an adult by fairy standards yet, so he wouldn't go to jail, but he was going to be kicked out of the school, at the very least. _Mom will kill me if she hears about this. _

Ok, ok, so, faking ignorance and pleading was obviously both out of the picture. Maybe he could strike a deal with the three of them.

"Ok, what about this. I tell you where the stuff is, and we split it amongst ourselves. You get 90 %, I get 10. Deal?"

A second later, he was once again dangling in the air. "95-5?!" He squealed.

Blond guy lifted his arm again.

"99-1!"

"We are not thieves like you!" The elf hissed. "Just tell us where you've hidden it!"

Mulch mustered what courage he had left. "No, you have no proof beside the trophy! You can't prove that I stole the rest of it! If I claim that the trophy was my first time, I can avoid getting kicked out!"

"I think it is a tiny little too late for that", the skinny Mud Boy said.

Mulch somehow managed to turn and look at him. "And why is that?!" He shouted defiantly.

"Because while you were having your little meltdown, I did some thinking, and I know where you've hidden 'the stuff' you stole."

And suddenly, Mulch knew where he'd seen the Mud Boy before.

XXXXX

"You gotta be kidding me", Butler said as Holly emerged from the garbage container, a set of wings in her hands."

Artemis winked at their captive. "Amazing what some people throw away, eh Mr. Diggums?"

It had been obvious once Artemis had given it a little thought. The containers were only emptied once a month, and was probably the last place any student would think to look for their lost possessions. Artemis joined Holly in the container, and soon they had several dozen items laid out on the ground. Jewelry, phones, I-phones, books and (this made Mulch blush) a pink set of pixie-sized underwear. Female off course.

"Well, it seems like you have been, dare I say it, busted, Mr. Diggums."

Mulch fell on his knees in front of Artemis. "Please don't report this. I only did it for my younger siblings, they go hungry every night!"

"You don't have any siblings", Artemis said dryly. "I checked your background on my phone while you were snoring. You're an only child."

Butler stepped forward with a hopeful look on his face.

"No Butler, you do not get to beat him."

The look of hope was replaced by a scowl.

"Actually, we are not even going to report Mulch here."

The three of them, human, dwarf and elf all looked at him in amazement.

"Mulch here does not seem like a bad person, and we all trip from time to time. It wouldn't be fair to ruin his life over this."

"But, Artemis…" Holly protested.

"He farted on me!" Butler yelled, before realizing how ridiculous that sounded.

Artemis held up his hands. "I assure you, Mulch here will atone for his crimes, but on _our_ terms, not the administrations."

"So…", Mulch said hoarsely. "…You won't report me?"

Artemis gave the dwarf his best fake smile. "No, we won't."

The dwarf fell to his knees, grabbing hold of Artemis's legs. "Thankyouthankyouthankyouthan kyouthankyou…"

Holly shrugged in resignation. "You helped me get my wings back, so I'll let you decide on this one Artemis, but how do we return all this stuff without turning in the dwarf?"

(thankyouthankyouthankyouthan kyouthankyou)

"We'll put in a box and deliver it to one of the teachers anonymously."

(thankyouthankyouthankyouthan kyouthankyou)

"If you say so. If you provide the box I'll place it in professor Conall's office tomorrow in the break."

(thankyouthankyouthankyouthan kyouthankyou)

"Do that. And also put in a note signed 'the phantom burglar', that says that he's very sorry, and that he promises no further thieveries."

(thankyouthankyouthankyouthan kyouthankyou)

"FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SHUT UP!" Butler roared.

XXXXX

The next day, Artemis and Butler watched from their usual table as professor Conall handed out the lost items and read the apology note out loud. In the end, Mulch had insisted to write it himself. Butler was anything but pleased, but seemed to have settled with Artemis decision, for now. Holly had sent Artemis a 'thank you' note of her own in the biology class.

Mulch had studied the spectacle from behind a human-sized table, and was now on his way back to his buddies in the tunneling club. As he passed their table he gave Artemis a nod, which the boy genius returned.

He had told himself that he had spared the dwarf because it might pay off to have such a talented friend later. The ability to eat and digest earth, sucking pores and good knows what else. Mulch was practically a wandering goldmine of opportunities that Artemis intended to take advantage of.

But that was not all. He'd felt it when the dwarf had begged him for mercy. The same strange bond that he'd felt with Butler and Holly.

_This is getting out of hand. I must not forget my original reason for coming here. _

But even so, he could not keep a wry smile off his face as he watched Mulch unhinge his jaws and go to work on the buffet, causing two human girls to shriek in disgust and run off.

**AUTHORS NOTE:**

**ARGH, FINALLY DONE! I'VE NOW FINISHED THE LONGEST CHAPTER I'VE WRITTEN YET. HEH, AND POOR BUTLER, I GUESS HE'S DOOMED TO GETTING BLASTED BY MULCH, EVEN IN AN ALTERNATE REALITY! **

**PS: I'M STILL RUNNING BLINDLY FORWARD WITHOUT MUCH OF A PLAN, SO IF THERE'S A PARTICUALR CHARACTER YOU WANT TO SEE, OR IF YOU HAVE ANY OTHER IDEAS, LET ME KNOW IN THE REVIEW SECTION. **

**IN RESPONSE TO REVIEWERS (IF YOU ACTAULLY REMEMBER WHAT THE HELL YOU WROTE AFTER AL THIS TIME):**

**TAWNY: If you're so eager to know how I feel about the Artemis/Holly thing, here's a hint. One of my favorite stories on this site is "The Aphrodite Curse". **

**Amaryllis5498(frog guy): Regarding your comment about paragraph 36, I thought about it as I wrote it. Fixed it now. **

**Pha3dra: I completely agree with you, making Artemis too nice definitely takes away some of his appeal. But, I have my reasons for making the characters the way they are in this story (at least I think so). I'll keep what you wrote in mind though. **

**Forever Day: Good advice regarding the title. I followed it. **


	5. Saturday crunchball match: Part 1

**I'M BACK! Hello dear audience, it's been a while. I had to run off and do a little side project, which is why I haven't updated in ages. It was a question of principle, something I could not ignore. Anyway, now I'm back and once again fully committed to this story. This chapter is a little short, because I wanted it out fast, to show you that this story is not dead. We pick up a few weeks after the events of the last chapter. **

"JESUS!" Butler yelled, pulling his short, blond hair. "A twenty page essay on Socialization and development of life skills? And we're supposed to finish this thing in three days? Have Argon gone completely insane?"

He and Artemis was sitting in the library, doing their homework. Artemis had finished his essay an hour ago, and now just pretended to work while actually reading the wall street journal on his laptop. "I agree that such a task may be a little too difficult, for people with mortal intellects, that is."

"Shut your face," Butler growled, pointing menacingly at Artemis with his pen. "This is all your fault for terrorizing him in every class. If you'd just leave him alone once in a while, he wouldn't take it out on the rest of us."

Ever since their first meeting, Artemis and Argon had been hell-bent on making each other's lives as terrible as possible. Artemis would not accept what he saw as a quack of mediocre intellect as his psychology professor, and Argon would not allow what he saw as a bratty upstart to spoil his class. Thus, the two of them were locked in a war of attrition, and neither of them intended to give in. Recently, however, Argon had begun to take out some of his frustration on the class, giving them more and more homework. Artemis considered this a victory, and a sign of Argon's impending defeat.

"Now where did you get that idea my friend?" Artemis grinned. "I'm just teaching the good professor a valuable lesson. I would _never _torment another human, or inhuman being for my own pleasure."

"Yeah, right," Butler snorted. "How far have come anyway?"

"A little over five pages," Artemis lied. The finished essay was over thirty pages long, but Butler would not react well to that.

"Same here," Butler said. "You think he'll notice if I lengthen the line space a bit?"

"Definitely."

Butler moaned, burying his nose in the textbook again.

XXXXX

Meanwhile, Holly Short, who was blessed enough to not be in a class that contained both Artemis Fowl and Jerbal Argon, had some free time, and had decided to spend it in the green grass in the school park, enjoying what looked to be the last sunny day of the year. Having lived most of her life beneath the ground, she could never get enough of the sight of the sky, the warmth of the sun, and the feeling of a gentle breeze fondling her skin.

_This is just perfect, _she thought. _When I graduate from this school, I'll definitely live on the surface, not down I Haven City. _She sat up, stretching. _I wonder what Artemis is doing right now. _

They had only spoken a few times since the phantom burglar incident, and only about trivial stuff. Wait a minute. Why would was she thinking about the Mud Boy again? It was not like here to fuss about boys, particularly _Mud Boys. _

_Clam down, Holly. The whole point of this school is to get fairies and humans to get along. You'll never be able to live under the open sky if the races can't coexist, and calling other people mud won't help. _She yawned. _Even if they deserve it. _

She got up on her feet and stretched her legs. She had originally planned to sneak out of the school and travel up the coast today with her wings, just to admire the beautiful Irish landscape, but her magic reservoir was nearly empty and she hadn't gotten the chance to fill it yet. She would have to fix that tomorrow.

It was then a crunchball hit the back of her head with a bang, causing her face to slam down into the grass. She pushed herself up and hawked a few times, brushing blades of grass off her face and hair. She looked around.

The ball had landed on the ground beside her. It was shaped like an egg and was about four times as big. It had the initials T.K written on it. She picked it up and looked around for the perpetrator. She did not have to look for long.

"Hey, you!" Yelled a dark haired elf who had just rounded the corner of a hedge. "That's mine!" He ran up to her and held out his hand. "Can you please give me that?"

"Not before you apologize," Holly growled, rubbing the back of her head.

The other elf blinked. "What for?"

"For being so unjustifiable bad at aiming, for giving me a bruise on the back of my head and for dirtying my uniform!"

The elf held up both his hands. "Hey now, no need to explode. Everybody can make a honest mistake."

"That's no excuse for bombarding people while they relax! And if I'm not mistaken, school regulations forbid you from playing crunchball in the park! If you'd hit me in the face, I could have been seriously injured!"

A small group of fairies, three gnomes and two elves, appeared beside the hedge and joined them. They had to be the dark haired elf's teammates.

"Look," said the first elf, now looking a little nervous. "I'm sorry I hit you, okay? And I know we're supposed to be in the stadium when we play crunchball."

"Then why are you here?" Holly asked sourly.

"Because we had an argument with the sophomores yesterday, about who should have access to the crunchball field in the weekends, and ended up playing a match to decide the matter," said an elf with green hair.

"And then you got your asses kicked, didn't you?" Holly said dryly.

"It was an unfair fight!" The first elf said defensively. "We're one man short since Poliver got hurt in magical class, not to mention that sophomores are more experienced."

"Then demand a rematch," Holly said impatiently.

"And get our butts smacked again!?" One of the gnomes said.

"He means that until we get Poliver back, we're doomed to lose," the first elf said quickly.

"And exactly when is he coming back?" Holly demanded.

The first elf shrugged his shoulders. "Since he has to go through rehabilitation… dunno, a couple of months maybe."

"And meanwhile I'll have to suffer you guys goofing around out here?" Holly asked.

"Uhm… yeah," the first elf said, not quite sure if the question was supposed to be rhetorical or not.

"I don't think so," Holly said, drumming on the ball with her fingers. "I think you guys are going to play that rematch right _now." _

"I just said we can't possibly win, so give me that ball back," The first elf said with an annoyed voice, reaching out after the ball. Holly jumped back on light feet, out of his reach.

"Oh, give me a break," the biggest gnome growled and stepped forward, pushing the dark haired elf aside. "Listen lady, I don't wanna hurt you, but you're seriously straining my pati-"

He was cut off when Holly hurled the crunchball forward, right into his solar plexus. The gnome bowed forward, gasping while clutching his stomach. Holly was behind in the blink of an eye, and before the surprised spectators could draw a breath, she had the freshman gnome pinned on the ground, his arms locked together. She sat on his back for a few seconds, giving her audience time to digest what they'd just seen, before getting off. She picked up the ball again, spinning it on her finger.

"You're going to play that rematch now," she said slowly, looking every crunchball player in the eye, "and you're definitively going to stand a chance, because I'm going to fill in for Poliver."

The boys gaped at her. A female elf playing professional crunchball? Unheard of! There was only one league for female fairies in The Lower Elements, and that consisted almost entirely of gnomes, aside from the occasional jumbo pixie. But an elf?

"It's your choice," Holly said. "Either you let me help you, or I'll report you to the administration. Either way, you won't be playing in the park anymore."

The boys looked at each other with doubt. What would the sophomores say when they showed up with a girl on their team? But then the dark haired elf stepped forward, offering his hand. "Deal," he grinned.

Holly could not keep a slight grin off her own face when she shook his hand. "Nice doing business with you Mr.…?"

"Kelp," he answered. "Trouble Kelp."

**AN: And that's it for now, sadly. I'll be updating soon, and the next chapter will introduce more of our bellowed fairies. **

**PS: Special thanks to Tawny for not sending that troll after me, even though I disappeared, though part of me suspect that's because we live in different countries, and because trolls actually does not exist in real life, or do they? **

** watch?v=ewvWwhL1UQU**


	6. Saturday crunchball match: Part 2

**Aaaaaarrggghhh….. finally done. I have no idea why it took so d'arvn long. Guess I'm just a bit lazy sometimes. **

The crunchball stadium at Dian Cecht was not large compared to, for example, a football field, but for fairies, it was more than spacious enough. The roof could be opened or closed from the control room, where the commentators was seated during official matches. Holly had not been there before, and looked around with delight. The walls were decorated with carvings, just like the entrance door to the main school building. The grandstand contained enough seats for several thousand people.

The dark haired elf, Trouble, nudged her arm and pointed down at the field. "There they are."

A group of sophomores, elves and gnomes, were currently practicing on the field. They had formed pairs, practicing blocking and evade. One of the teammates would place the ball a couple of meters behind him, and the other teammate would try to obtain it, either by pressing the blocker back, or by somehow slipping around him.

As she, Trouble, and the rest of the team walked down the grandstand, Holly's eyes fell upon the team captain, recognizable because of the band around his right arm. He was currently trying to slip past a completely humongous gnome, in an effort to get his hands on the ball. To Holly it seemed impossible. The gnome's muscular gorilla arms gave him a long reach, and he was surprisingly quick on his feet. The team captain tried to skirt around him twice, but got thrown to the ground. The third time, the captain didn't bother trying to sneak around, and instead went right for the gnome, who held his hands up, ready to grab the captain's shirt by the chest the moment he came within reach. However, a second before the captain got downed again, he lowered his head and lunged forward, getting his arms around the gnome's legs.

Because of his momentum, the captain managed to get the gnome to fall over. The gnome was not finished though. He put his own arms around the captain in an attempt to catch him in a bear hug, but the captain grabbed him by the helmet first, arched his back, and then headed the other player, helmet to helmet. Strength left the gnome's arms for a moment, giving the captain just enough time to roll off him and run over to the ball, which he snatched triumphantly. None of the other players had managed to get through their blocker yet. Holly whistled.

"The chief seems to be in top form this afternoon," she said to Trouble.

"No kidding," Trouble answered. "That guy tackled me twice during the match yesterday. My ribs are still sore."

The team captain looked up and noticed the approaching freshmen. Using a whistle, he gathered his team behind him as Holly and the rest stepped onto the field. The grass seemed to be completely genuine to Holly. She'd never seen that in any of the many fields down in Haven.

The two groups observed each other for a few seconds. Holly noted that the sophomore team had eleven members, including the captain, who suddenly stepped forward, pulling off his helmet. He was quite heavy for an elf, with broad shoulders and a chest that rivaled some of the gnomes behind him. Like Trouble, he had black hair, though his was cut short. He also had one of the most quadrangular chins Holly had ever seen. He began to speak.

"I see that trouble is back," he grinned. The teammates behind him snickered. "What are you doing here, Kelp? I thought we made it clear yesterday who's more fit to use this field."

"We want a rematch," Trouble said, his jaw tightened. "We were at a disadvantage yesterday, lacking one of our team members."

The captain shifted his gaze to Holly, who glared back defiantly. "I see. And you've chosen a girlie to fill in for him?"

Holly felt her blood starting to run hot. _Girlie, eh?_

"Yeah!" Trouble stated. "So what? Will you play or what!?"

The captain ignored him. "Hey, girlie!"

Holly looked to the left, to the right, and then behind her to see where this "girlie" he was referring to could be located.

"Yes, I'm talking to you, slim person with long, brown hair," the captain said.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Holly said loudly. "It just seemed to me that your degrading tone and choice of words alluded to some little baby girl being present her, and I couldn't see her anywhere."

The captain smiled wryly. "Comedian, huh? Well, I have no idea why Kelp thinks you can help him, but you can't. Even if that smuck Poliver had been present yesterday, Kelp and his buddies would still have gotten their assess kicked. Get lost."

Holly felt herself getting angrier for every passing second. This arrogant dick! "How can you be so sure?"

"Because we beat them with 25 points. Again, get lost."

Holly grabbed Trouble's crunchball and spun it on the tip of her finger. "What's the matter, big guy? Don't wanna play against a girlie? Afraid you might break something?"

"As a matter of fact," the captain said slowly, "I'm afraid _you _might break something."

"That's why we got magic, smartass," Holly said. To be completely honest, she had barely any magic left, probably not enough to heal any serious injuries, but she couldn't care less about that little detail right now. She'd break both her legs if it meant beating this disgusting, sexist individual.

The captain sighed. "You're not leaving here before you get your way, are you?"

Holly simply smiled, still spinning the ball.

The captain put his helmet back on. "Fine, we'll play one half. The loser goes, for good this time." He offered his hand, just like Trouble had done ten minutes earlier. Trouble seemed like he intended to walk forth and take it, but Holly beat him to it, strolling forward. His hand was big, warm and hard, and when she looked into his brown eyes, she was all of a sudden reminded of cigars. Weird.

"May the best _man _win," the captain grinned. Holly grinned as well, although hers was considerably more stiff.

"We'll see about that skipper." The turned away from each other and rejoined their respective teams.

"Plan?" Holly asked Trouble as their team stuck their heads together.

"Their main strength is their captain," Trouble said. "He is a star player, as strong as a troll and as quick as a pixie who's been caught with his hand in the truffle jar. The others guys are on level with us."

"Got it," Holly said. "Which position did Poliver occupy?"

"Left runner."

Holly nodded. That suited her well.

Trouble looked at her, troubled. "You _have _played before, right?"

"Off course I have!" Holly muttered. In grade school, with her friends. But her new teammates did not need to know that. She'd seen matches on TV often enough to know the rules perfectly well.

Crunchball had very much in common with the American version of football. The purpose was to bring the ball into the opposing team's home zone, a small, rectangular area at each end of the field. If a player entered the other team's home zone with the ball, he scored one point. If he managed to throw the ball through the goal, a metal pole with a ring at the top(**think quidditch**), he got five additional points. When it came to body contact, there were only one rule: as long as you use your hands, your feet, or your head, everything was allowed, even if the other player did not even have the ball. Since magic healed almost every injury, a crunchball player would not be punished, even if he should break another player's back(something that happened in every third match or so in the professional leagues). Only gnomish, non-gravity wrestling was more brutal. On the other hand, there were dozens of rules when it came to passing, initiating the game, and so on, but Holly knew they were not mental about those on the high school level. She should be fine.

"Hey, you ready soon, Kelp!?" The captain shouted. His team had already found their positions, forming a trapezoid.

"When you are!" Trouble shouted back. "Ok guys, get into position. It's now or never!"

Holly jogged over to her position at the front on the left. The runner's job was to stay on the sides, using his/her speed to slip past the enemies defenses. It was the same position Holly had occupied when she was in grade school. The right runner on the other team was a bulky elf, who seemed nervously excited by the prospect of dueling an exquisite example of the gentle sex. Holly lowered the visor on the helmet she'd borrowed and looked at the middle of the field, where the ball had been placed. The center players, Trouble and the captain, was both hunched down, palms to the ground, waiting for the whistle. It blew.

Her elfish opponent had obviously decided that rather than trying to get around her, he'd just wait for her to come to him, using his weight to throw her down as she tried to skirt around him. However, his plan fell flat on its face when Holly made no effort to try to get around him. Instead, she lunged forward and jabbed him right in the solar plexus, forcing the air out of his lungs.

So much for the gentle sex.

Holly twisted her head around, looking back at the center. Her heart jumped. Trouble had beat the captain to the egg-shaped ball, and then passed it quickly to the guy behind him, who was now looking for a good alternative(you can pass the ball twice during one attack in crunchball). It was only one.

"Here!" Holly yelled, waving at him with one arm. The gnome saw her, pulled his arm back, and then launched the crunchball at her with all his might. He'd aimed a little too high, but with her excellent reflexes, it was a small matter for Holly to jump and catch it.

The sophomore captain yelled at his teammates and gesticulated at her, but it was too late. Holly zoomed past the closest player and ran right into the enemy's home zone. Adrenalin pumping through her veins, Holly looked up at the ring shaped goal, five meters above her. She'd gotten a little too close in her eagerness, it would've been easier if she'd taken a few steps back, but the sound of loud grunting behind her made it clear that she was out of time. She threw.

The gnome tackled her in the back, slamming her down onto the ground. She gasped, pushing herself up on her elbows. The ball had landed on the grass a few meters away from her. Had it passed through the ring?

Jubilation mixed with moaning resounded behind her. She turned around, a wide smile on her face. Her teammates where jumping up and down, while the sophomores were cursing.

Holly jumped to her feet and retrieved the ball. _Well, that couldn't have gone any better. _She jogged back to her start position, throwing the ball to Trouble as she did so. Since they'd scored, they'd get to start in offence now. As she took her place, she noticed the captain giving the elf she'd jabbed a cross look. The bulky elf was massaging his abdomen, trying to breath normally. He was glaring daggers at her.

_Looks like I've made a new friend, _Holly thought.

The whistle blew again, and Holly darted to the side, knowing better than to try the same trick twice. The elf threw himself at her, but she ducked under his arms, running up the side of the field. Meanwhile, Trouble had passed the ball to the gnome beside him and then gotten begun tangling with the captain. Holly screamed at her teammate, but the gnome chose to send the ball to the right runner instead, who in his nervousness fumbled the ball away. He was tackled a second later, and the enemy team picked up the ball.

Holly cursed internally. Why hadn't the idiot passed the ball to her? She was wide open! She swerved to a stop and then began running towards her own home field. Just as she did so, the captain caught Trouble by the knees with one arm and threw him over his back. He shouted at the ball carrier, and just two seconds later, he had the crunchball in his large hands.

_D'arvit! _Holly thought, setting course for the big elf. An enemy player tried to tackle her, but she jumped to the side, racing down the field as fast as she could. The captain was fast. He'd already crossed half the distance, elbowing one of her teammates in the face when he tried to stop him. But she was faster.

But not fast enough to keep him from reaching their home zone. _D'arvit! _She swore again, reaching out for the ball as the captain drew his arm back. She punched the crunchball out of his hand, just as he brought it up to throw. It spun through the air, landing outside of the field. The captain turned around.

"Six-one," Holly panted, smirking up at him. He looked down at her for a couple of seconds, his gaze unreadable, the shrugged.

"For now," he said, walking past her towards the ball. Since Holly had knocked it out of the field, his team would start in offence.

Holly went over to Trouble, who was busy rubbing his neck. "You okay?" She asked, mildly worried. His fall had looked a bit rough from her perspective.

"Yeah," he grunted, scowling at the sophomore captain. "Nice job, keeping him from scoring the fives. He never misses."

"My pleasure," Holly said as he rose.

XXXXX

"You got five seconds to get lost before I stuff your throat with this," Butler growled, his right hand locked around a rolled-up history magazine.

"Feel free," Mulch grunted, picking his tombstone-like teeth with a pocketknife. "It's not like I've not eaten worse. One time when I was digging my way through a dump down in Kerry, I almost swallowed some dead guy. They'd beat the shit out of him and buried him at least five meters below ground. Bit of a big chunk of his arm, right here." He pointed at his shoulder. "I was _this _close to becoming a cannibal."

"Actually," Artemis said, trying very hard not to wrinkle his nose at the odour reeking from the dwarf's naked feet, which he'd placed on the small table between them, "cannibalism is the act of consuming a member of our own species. Therefore, since you are not a human, you would not be a cannibal for eating a human arm. You _would, _however, be a disgusting scavenger."

The dwarf waved his comment away with his free hand. "Details are not important."

"Details like the exact length of your colon in centimeters once I pull it out of your abdomen?" Butler asked, looking hungrily at Mulch's pocketknife.

"Still angry, big guy? It's not like I wanted to, eh, _fart _you down like that. You just don't sneak up on a dwarf when he's full of gas."

"Yeah, I noticed that. Next time I'll make sure to come from the front.

Artemis sighed, rubbing his forehead. Between Butler's increasingly gory threats of physical harm, and Mulch's witty retorts, it was hard for him to question the dwarf about his unique anatomy. He should've known better than to bring them both together so soon. Better to break them up now, before Butler decided to pick up the little bugger and throw him out of the window beside them. He could always talk to Mulch later, privately. He rose.

"As much as I'd like to watch you two rip each other apart, I've got better things to do than watching this little pissing contest. Try not to kill one another while I'm away."

"Hold on!" Butler said, raising one hand. Artemis turned reluctantly.

"What?"

"I don't like this."

Artemis looked at him with a frown. "You don't like… what? The fact that we didn't report Mulch?"

"Exactly," Butler said, leaning back in his chair. "Holly got her wings back after that ordeal, while I got…", he sent Mulch an ugly look, "you know."

Artemis could see where this was going. "And your point is?"

"I know we're supposed to be buddies and all, but if you expect me to keep quiet, you're going to have to compensate me for it."

Artemis sighed. "As in writing Argon's essay for you?"

Butler nodded, half a smile on his lips.

Artemis considered it. If he gave in, it would obstruct the delicate balance of the power structure he was currently building in their relationship. After getting to know him, Artemis was surprised to find that he genuinely liked Butler, and he did not want to alienate his new friend, but he didn't want Butler to think that he, Artemis Fowl II, was easily pushed around. But he could allow Butler to turn the dwarf in either, as Artemis intended to take full advantage of the fairy's talents in the future. Better to concede for now, and then put Butler in his place later, should he get too unruly.

"Fine," Artemis said, picking up his laptop. "I'll send you my finished essay and then write a new one for myself. But if I were you, I'd spice it with your own grammar mistakes, and maybe remove the paragraphs you couldn't possibly have written."

This made Mulch snicker and Butler frown.

"Wait, your finished essay? I thought you said you'd just written four pages!"

"Ah, my apologies. I lied about that," Artemis smiled, clicking on the "send" button.

XXXXX

Holly's vision was obscured with sweat, and her midriff was pumping air in and out of her lungs like crazy. What the hell had just happened? One moment they were leading with _eleven_ points, and now the sophomores lay ahead with six? How on earth had that happened!? Because of that d'arvn captain. After Holly had scored another six points for her team, the captain had called a quick time-out to give his team a pep talk. When the match commenced again, it had taken an 180 degree turn.

Holly had managed to evade the other runner once again, and then received the ball. It was then the trap was sprung. After finishing the pep talk, the captain had quietly switched places with the player on his right, bringing him much closer to Holly, who did not realize that the switch had happened, until the captain tackled her in the legs. With the taste of grass in her mouth and two legs that pulsated with pain, she'd been unable to stop the captain when he charged through their ranks, elbowing Trouble in the face while doing so, right into their home zone. This time, he scored the fives as well. Now, ten minutes later, Holly's team was running out of time. And it was the sophomores who held the ball.

Holly did not have a single drop of magic left, the last remnants had been used to fix her sprained ankle. Most of her teammates were no better off. Trouble had a purple eye, and the guy next to her seemed barely able to stand on his feet. The last few minutes had been brutal.

Holly looked to the center. The captain was about to start the final attack, the one that would settle the match. If the sophomores scored now, it would be over. Holly stared intently at the captain, trying to dig two holes in his visor with her gaze. Trouble had not downplayed his skills. Without him, the sophomores would've been crushed. Instead, it was her team that was about to be destroyed.

The captain turned his head slightly, his visor pointing directly at her. For some reason, Holly knew that he was smiling. That pissed her off to no end.

When the whistle blew, Holly didn't bother to tangle with the runner in front of her, instead she spun around and stormed towards her home zone. In the corner of her eye, she could just make out the captain throwing the ball to the biggest player on the sophomores' team, an oversized gnome with chest so big that it threatened to blow his shirt.

The gnome had the ball. He was running towards the home zone. Their right runner tried to stop him, but the big gnome just shoved him away with his unoccupied hand. Trouble threw himself after him, but he was clearly not in good shape and missed with a couple of inches. He'd taken the majority of the beatings the captain had seen fit to distribute to their team.

The gnome broke through their rear guard, mere meters from the home zone. Nobody was close enough to stop him. Nobody but her. Her heartbeat hammering in her ear, Holly went in for a low tackle. What is that old saying? The bigger they are…

_The harder they fall, _Holly thought as the sole of her foot connected with the gnome's right kneecap in the most brutal tackle this match had seen yet. Needles to needless to say, bones were broken.

Holly caught the ball in the air, ignoring the loud screams coming from the downed gnome. Grass was kicked into the air as she accelerated towards the enemy's home zone. The majority of the enemy team was on their half of the field, coming towards her. One of the elves lunged for her. She wanted to dodged, but couldn't. It was all she could do to run straight for the home zone.

Trouble threw himself between them, bringing both himself and the other elf to the ground. He was shouting at her, shouting for her to keep going, to run faster. She mouthed a "thank you" as she passed them.

Two additional sophomores occupied the center of the field, but they were both wrestling with her teammates, who seemed to have a renewed fighting spirit after seeing her take down the gnome. She passed between them without getting touched, running as fast as physically possible. She didn't know how many seconds remained, both it could not be many. Didn't matter. She was through, and she was faster than anyone else on the field. Nobody could catch up to here.

No, nobody could catch up to her, but apparently that was not needed, as the captain had retreated to his home zone the moment he saw Holly tackle his gnomish teammate, and now he was standing on the thin, white line that marked her goal, arms to the side.

When Holly tried to reminisce that moment later, she could never remember whether or not that last move of hers had been quick thought or just an act of instinct. All she knew was that she'd slid right through the captain's legs like if she was a ball herself, punching him in the crotch while doing so. Their eyes' met for a second, his wide with surprise, then pain as she punched him. Then she was past him and inside the home zone.

She was barely aware of the captain slump to his knees behind her. She'd punched him _really _hard, but that was not important now. All that mattered was the goal above her. No time left for mistakes now. It was either do, or do not.

The ball sailed through like wind through a keyhole.

Just like when she scored for the first time, she could hear exultation from her teammates and groans from the sophomores. With this, they were completely even. She turned to find the captain facing her, stoically resisting the urge to clutch his lower parts. "That was below the belt," he grunted. "Literally."

The whistle blew. The match was over, and Holly was drowning in a storm of neck-breaking hugs from her teammates. Trouble slapped her on the back so hard that she was almost thrown headfirst into the ground. While she regained her composure, Trouble went to speak with the captain.

"So?" He said, standing right in front of him, hands on his hips. "Will you share from now on?"

The captain removed his helmet and let it hang to his side. "You did not win the match." He said.

"We didn't lose either," Holly said, walking up to stand beside Trouble. "We've proven that we have as much a right to this field as you do."

They stared at each other for a long time. It seemed to Holly that the captain was tempted to break their deal, or maybe demand a rematch, but in the end he simply shrugged. "Fine, you have as much a right as we do. Just don't go around and sexually harass people. It isn't good sportsmanship."

That made Trouble make a suppressed snicker and Holly blush. She wanted to retort that, but the captain was already walking away from them, a bit stiffly.

"I can't believe you just punched Julius Root himself in the balls," Trouble said, looking at her like she was some sort of phenomenon. "He's not going to forget that anytime soon."

"Screw him," Holly said, pulling off her own helmet. _Julius Root eh?_

"Hey, wait!" Trouble shouted as she began to walk away. "Where're you going? Aren't you going to join us for the celebration?"

"No thanks, I'm not really much of a party girl." What she intended to do now was to get outside the school grounds as quickly as possible, find a brook or tarn, and then use the trick Artemis had taught her to refill her magic storage. It would do wonders for the aching in her limbs. Then she would grab her wings and fly for three hours straight.

"Oh yeah," she said, suddenly remembering something. "Where do you want me to put all this gear?"

"Keep it," Trouble said.

She blinked, surprised. "Keep it? What for? And isn't this your reserves?"

"Actually, those are my twin brother's. He dropped out of the team two days after we first came here. Didn't think the equipment held up to the safety regulations. He wrote like, twenty complaints to the administration before the headmaster personally wrote to him and said that if he didn't stop spamming her inbox, she'd personally come down to our dorm and boot him out of the school."

Holly laughed out loud. "Hilarious. But why would I need this gear?"

"Well…" Trouble said slowly. "Suppose Poliver never come back. If that happened we'd need a permanent replacement."

"And you want that to be me?" Holly said, surprised.

"You were awesome out there Holly, you really were. We wouldn't have stood a chance without you," Trouble said, with genuine warmth.

The way he complimented her actually made him look a little cute in Holly's eyes. A little.

"I'll think about it," she smiled.

XXXXX

"What's up with you?" Butler asked? They were on their way back to their room, and Artemis had suddenly started shivering, despite the relatively warm wetter and complete lack of wind.

"I don't know," Artemis said, frowning. "I just felt something cold run down my spine."

XXXXX

**AN: So I've been reading through the earlier chapters and was pissed off at some of the mistakes I found. Anyone who thinks I need a beta reader, and if so, would anyone be interested in beta reading for me? **

**Also, I've been thinking of using the next chapter to introduce Opal(although I technically introduced her in the very first chapter), but if you have a different suggestion, let me know in the review section and I might just end up listening(unless your suggestion is f***ing stupid, in which case I will simply ignore you. For example, should you **_**suggest **_**Holly/Trouble or Holly/Root, I will hate you forever, because that shit is just not happening, even in an alternate universe). That is all. Hopefully, I'll be a bit quicker with the next update. **


	7. Introducing Opal

**Special thanks to Harry-Artemis-Jackson for betaing this chapter for me; it should be a lot cleaner now.**

* * *

"Seriously, you look like shit buddy," Butler said.

"Uhu," Artemis yawned, stretching. He'd stayed awake until four in the morning, working on the blueprints of a water-fuelled car(one that actually functioned), but working one's way around the laws of thermodynamics was not exactly easy, even if you were the intellectual equivalent of Leonardo da Vinci. After several days work he was still not any closer to success, and Artemis was starting to wonder if he for once was in over his head.

"I have no idea how long you stayed up last night, but that fanatical glint in your eyes is still there," Butler continued, giving his friend a sideways look. "Do you ever just, you know, sit down and chill?"

Artemis frowned. "What do you mean 'chill', sit down in a pile of ice? Why would I ever consider doing that?"

"Never mind," Butler sighed. Artemis did not even know the meaning of the word. Literally. "Hey, if you actually manage to build one these water cars, can I have one? Fuel would be damn cheap."

"Not if you keep pestering me with these nonsensical questions," Artemis grunted.

"Like what?" A voice sounded behind them. They both turned to find Holy Short strolling along behind them.

"This mad scientist wannabe is keeping me awake for hours on end every night," Butler said, poking Artemis in the shoulder. "He's saying he's going to invent a car that runs on water."

"Vowing," Artemis corrected, pushing Butler's hand away. "And a Fowl is always true to his word."

Holly sent him an amused look. "Good luck with that. Our scientists have been working on that for centuries. If it were possible, they would have figured it out by now."

"Perhaps," Artemis said. "Or, perhaps your so-called _scientists _are little more than a bunch of low-minded, moronic quacks."

"They did invent a machine that stops time," Holly pointed out.

"Incorrect," Artemis stated. "Time-Stop Towers do not stop time, they merely slow it down. And furthermore, you would never have developed that technology without magic, which allows you to step beyond the laws of physics…" He paused. Magic. _Of course!_

"Uh, Earth to Artemis. Why are you spacing out?" Holly got up on her toes and waved her hand in front of his face.

"Magic!" Artemis exclaimed. "That's it, the missing component! Magic solves everything!" He grabbed Holly by the shoulders, almost shaking with eagerness. "Quickly, Holly, create some sparks!"

"No thanks," Holly said, pushing him away awkwardly. "If you need help with some crazy scientist stuff you're going to have to ask Foaly."

"Centaurs do not possess magic," Artemis protested. "I'm going to need loads of it."

"Ain't that a shame," Holly said. "Sorry, but I need my magic for… other things." She looked away guiltily.

"To sneaking out so that you can fool around with those ridiculous wings of yours, you mean," Artemis said dryly.

That irritated Holly. "If you're implying that I'm wasting my time, you're wrong. I plan on becoming a professional one day."

Artemis had his retort ready, but before he could get it out of his mouth, the bell rang, which allowed Holly to make her escape.

"Well that's just great," Artemis growled, staring after her. "Now where am I going to get it from?"

"Get what from who now?" asked a coarse voice from somewhere below his left elbow. Artemis looked down.

"Ah, hello Mulch."

The dwarf looked up at him with curiosity while chewing on something brown and meaty. Artemis did not even want to know what it was. He swallowed, grinning. "Don't tell me, a lover's spat? Trouble with your girlfriend?"

"Butler, you have my permission to throw Mulch into that garbage can over there," Artemis said, nodding at the garbage can in question. The dwarf's grin faded.

"Wait a minute-", he protested, before a smiling Butler grabbed him by his left calf, swung him around his head like a lasso, and then let him go. Neither of them looked back as they heard the very loud sound of dwarfish head impacting with metal.

Artemis spent the first half of the school day plotting ways to acquire the magic he needed, but it seemed impossible. Holly was the only fairy he trusted enough to help him with this, and she did not appear eager to help at all. Mulch was a dwarf, and even though Artemis could have threatened to expose him as the Phantom Thief to make sure he stayed silent, dwarfs had limited power, probably not enough for the experiments Artemis had in mind.

When it was time for their lunch break, Artemis finished his food quickly and left Butler at their customary table, seeking solitude. He needed some privacy to think clearly. Maybe Foaly knew of some way to acquire the necessary magic? Fairies had ways of storing magic, right?

Suddenly he realized that he'd wandered off into an area of the school building unknown to him. Oh well, now that he was here he might as well do some exploring.

He opened the first door on his right and peered inside. In the dim light he could just make out what looked like the den of some artist. Both the walls and the floor were covered in what looked very much like sketches of some sort. Curious, he took a step inside and turned the lights on. Indeed, the room was papered with drawings and pictures, but lacked any kind of furniture. Could it be a room for art classes?

He squatted, picking up one of the sketches. After studying it for a few seconds, he realized that it was the blueprint for some kind of device, not unlike the once he himself would draw on his laptop in class while pretending to pay attention to the teachers' pointless lectures (especially that idiot Argon). An additional few seconds of scrutiny revealed that the device outlined on the paper was a set of wings, not unlike the set Holly owned. However, it was clear to Artemis that the design of this theoretical wing set was completely superior when compared to Holly's. This was excellent; it even had an extra deck that would vastly improve the maneuverability, at least according to the notes scribbled down beside the sketch, notes that were barely understandable to Artemis, as they were written in fairy language of the most ancient kind. It was a good thing he'd spent so much time acquiring old fairy texts.

_This is ingenious, _Artemis thought. _You'd think I was the one that made it. _

A loud bump behind him made him start like a deer, absorbed in the drawing as he was. He spun his head around to find the source of the sound. A tiny fairy was standing in the doorway. A female pixie. She was dressed in the same green school uniform that he was. Her skin was milky white, like that of a porcelain doll, and it stood in sharp contrast to her jet-black hair. Her features were quite beautiful.

Artemis lowered his gaze, and saw that the loud bump had come from a book, which the pixie had dropped in front of her feet, probably as an act of surprise upon seeing him. A piece of paper had fallen out of it. It was filled with a mini-version of the sketch he held in his hands, which implicated that she must be the one who'd drawn all of the sketches in the room.

Several seconds passed by while they looked at each other. Artemis decided that it would be best to say something.

"Hello…", he began, intending to follow up with: "I thought this was an arts classroom," but he was cut off as the pixie dived forward and ripped the sketch out of his hands, before clutching it to her chest, like it was an infant in need of her protection.

"Don't even bother!" She hissed, her chocolate brown eyes eyeing him with murderous intensity.

"Pardon?" Artemis asked, feeling like a kid who'd just been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

"My blueprints are all written in the ancient tongue, and there's no way a simple Mud Man like you could ever understand it," the pixie continued, picking the book up from the floor, struggling a little while doing so. The size of it suggested that it had not been produced with pixie readers in mind; it looked far more fit for an elf, or any of the other larger fairy races.

Artemis raised his hands. "I'm not here to steal your ideas. I mistook this room for a classroom for arts. I did not mean to nose around in your belongings."

The pixie shot him a look that was both hostile and skeptical, before sweeping the rest of the room with her eyes. Artemis quickly stepped away from the sketches on the floor beside him.

"Whatever, just get out," she finally said, walking past him to collect the rest of the sketches/blueprints.

Artemis shrugged and turned around to take his leave. "As you wish, but if I were you, I'd include a solar panel in that wing design of yours. Much cleaner than nuclear power." He began to walk away.

The pixie froze where she stood. "What?"

Artemis halted, a smile spreading across his face. "Also, I like how you've used the wings of bees rather than those of hummingbirds as the basis for your design, but if you ask me, flies would be even better."

"You… you can read this?" The pixie stuttered, motioning at the notes beside her wing sketch.

"Yes," Artemis said, turning his head to the side so that he could observe her with one eye. "Even though you've apparently created your very own dialect of the language, you didn't alter it enough to make it impossible for me to piece together its contents from the words I understood. A little more though, and I'd never be able read it."

For the first time, the pixie really _looked _at him, and then gasped. "Oh, it's _you!"_

"I take it you know me?" Artemis inquired. When he thought about it, it was something familiar about this pixie as well. Had he seen her before?

"Of course I know you," the pixie said, placing the oversized book behind her and sitting down on it like a stool. "You're that Mud Genius, the prodigy who won a prize at that science fair in London. That little boat of yours was neat, but the design of the keel was sloppy."

Artemis's smile widened into a grin. "You're quite right. I did that on purpose. Didn't see the need to put in more effort than I needed to win the contest."

"Do you have a habit of producing unfinished work?" The pixie asked.

"Only when it suits my needs."

"Don't even think of stealing my design, I'll sue that shirt off your body," she threatened.

"Please," Artemis laughed arrogantly. "I have no need for _unfinished _designs."

"Are you implying that my design fall short of perfection?" the pixie inquired, narrowing her eyes.

"I'm implying that I could have done better," Artemis said.

A thirty second starring contest followed.

"Well, Mr. Fowl," picking up her book again. "Since you have no interest in my _inferior _designs, I suppose there's no harm in me leaving them here unguarded. I'm sure you've got much _better _in your own room."

"Maybe," Artemis said as she brushed past him. "Miss?"

She turned reluctantly, looking up at him from far below. "What?"

"Maybe I'm not as great an expert on fairy custom as I am on your language, but I do believe that the polite thing to do, after such wonderful small talk, would be to give me a name to remember you by?"

An inscrutable look regarded him for a few seconds, before she yielded two words. "Koboi. Opal." And then she was gone. She attempted to slam the door shut behind her, but just ended up embarrassing herself, as it was much too heavy. She fled the room, crimson blood flowing into her cheeks. Artemis stared after her. This was interesting indeed. Judging by the sketches on the floor, that pixie was the most intelligent individual he'd ever meet, apart from himself.

_Perhaps that water car is not completely out of reach yet, _he thought, before proceeding to study the sketches on the ground even further. He had not lied to the pixie when he said he had no intention of copying her work, that sort of thing was beneath him. Using them to learn about fairy technology however, was not. That was not all he wanted from this pixie though.

While flipping through four more of Opal's sketches, he flipped out his phone and selected the most recent addition to his contacts.

"Hello, Mulch, I sincerely apologize for that episode in the schoolyard earlier today, I'm afraid you caught me on a bad day. But listen, I need you to help me out with something. No, nothing dangerous. Yes, I'll buy you a cheeseburger for your trouble, whatever that is. Wonderful, and don't forget, if you tell anyone else about this conversation, I'll be forced to tell the administration about your 'nightly adventures', though it will break my heart to do so. Aha. Glad to hear that you're so motivated. Okay, here's what I want you to do…"

* * *

_That bumptious, male, Mud Man bastard, _Opal hissed mentally as she stormed down the hallway. How dared a filthy Mud Man like him speak like that to her, the heiress to the Koboi fortune, and the most intelligent fairy (no, make that most the most intelligent _being) _alive!? He was not fit to lick the underside of her boot, much less thinking that he was her equal, or worse, _superior! _

Still, to think that a Mud Man would be able to read her own, encrypted version of Gnommish was… impressive. Not even her old home school teacher, a brilliant, retired historian and linguist, whom she'd had a crush on for years (until he stumbled in that d'arvn cat and fell down a marble stair and got himself brain damaged) had been able to read the letter she'd given him on Valentine's Day at the age of nine. She would have to watch out for him.

She entered her room in the girls' dorm, tumbling down on her bed, face first. She had biology right now, but couldn't muster a mote's motivation to go to the classroom. It was all nonsense anyway, her parents sending her to this ridiculous interspecies boarding school in the hope that she'd find some idiot rich boy to fall in love with, so that she could become that pretty little housewife/doll her father had always wanted her to be. Her parents didn't understand a bloody goddamn thing. Couldn't they see how blessed they'd been, by receiving her as their daughter? She was _perfect! _

But that wasn't what her parents wanted. Well, to hell with them then. She'd show them, show the entire world that she was not just another brick in the wall. That she was not unworthy of being the heir to the Koboi fortune, just because she'd failed to be born a _son. _

_You'd like that, wouldn't you Dad? _She thought, venom flashing in her eyes. _Wouldn't that be just great? A little Ferrall junior to teach all you know about business life and tunnel-golf. Wouldn't that be just wonderful? Better than putting up with some _girl _as your only progeny. _

She pulled the eiderdown over her head, nestling in the warmth. At the very least, she did not have to put up with some ditzy, moronic roommate, as the ugly sprite that had been assigned to the same room as her had suffered several hyper-nervous fits the first and only night they'd spent together (the nightmare evoking herbs Opal had slipped into her evening tea might've had a little something to do with that), and had called her parents the very next morning, bawling her eyes out, begging to be allowed to come home. Apparently, she was still in therapy.

Anyway, a room of her own had been her saving grace, and now that she thought about it, her parents sending her away might not be as bad as she initially thought. As soon as she'd finished her exams with top marks and received her diploma, she would finally be free to prove herself. The very first thing she'd do would be to establish a company of her own, one that she could use to push her father straight out of the market. It would be fun to see if her dad would be as eager to see her mother give birth to a baby boy when the baby boy in question would inherit nothing but a bankruptcy.

Laughing happily, she jumped out of bed, taking a look around her. Like the abandoned classroom she'd discovered in the older parts of the school building, her room was covered with sketches of her future inventions. With newfound spirit, she seated herself by her writing desk, fishing a fresh sheet of paper from a drawer. That Mud Brat had given her an idea for a new invention, a security system consisting of DNA cannons. Wouldn't that be just the thing? She could install one in the abandoned classroom, program it to only fire at Mud People, so that the next time this Fowl character came snooping about, he'd be in for one unpleasant surprise. But she supposed she would have to use non-lethal ammunition, since killing the Mud Boy would probably get her thrown out of the school… and possibly into jail. Maybe she should load the cannons with squeezed stink worm. That ought to wipe that arrogant grin off his face.

Snickering, she reached out for her sea horse-shaped pencil, and began to draw.

* * *

Mulch cursed like a gnome with a hangover stuck in traffic on a Monday morning, massaging his butt. When the Mud Boy had called and told him he needed a favor, this was the last thing he'd expected. This was not at all worth a king-size cheeseburger. Stealing stuff he could do, but stalking a pixie? Had that Fowl guy lost his d'arvn mind? If he was caught, he'd get booted head first out of the school, guaranteed. Then again, if he refused, the Mud Boy might spill that he was the infamous (now retired) phantom burglar to the administration, which would also get him thrown out of the school… and possibly into jail, which was the reason why he was currently doing his best to climb a 50 foot oak outside of the girls' dorm, his last attempt ending with a five meter fall and landing on his butt, which was the reason said butt hurt so goddamn much.

Jogging in place, he built up a sweat, the pores on his skin transforming into air-sucking plungers. As expected, the climb went much easier this time, and he made it to one of the top branches in less than a minute. Walking out on it as far as he dared, he produced a small pair of binoculars (borrowed, not stolen from the bird-watching club, as he had every intention to give them back, at an unspecified date) and pointed them at this Opal person's room. Apparently, Artemis had hacked into the school network to find out which room she lived in, a feat he'd accomplished in less than ten seconds, if Mulch was to believe him, which he did, considering the fact that there definitely was a female pixie with black hair inside his field of vision right now.

She was sitting at her desk, drawing. What was she, some kind of amateur artist? Was the Mud Boy planning on launching her as the next Vinny van Gogh or something, and therefore wanted to know if she had the talent for the job? No, that was just ridiculous. Maybe the Mud Boy had a crush on her? She was good-looking after all, by pixie standards anyway. Personally, he liked girls with a little more fat on them… hey now, what was this. The pixie had risen from the desk and was going over to her closet… and _undressing! _She had just pulled a pink top over her head, and was currently admiring her waist, adjusting the straps on a white bra with laces.

_Score! _Mulch thought, adjusting the focus to see better. Was she going to… oh, hell yes, she was removing her trousers as well, leaving her in nothing but her underwear. Mulch tried to zoom in on her posterior, but it was already at the maximum enlargement. Cursed birdwatchers, why didn't they invest in proper equipment?

He began to snake his way further out on the branch, the binoculars still pressed against his eyeballs. He could almost make out the knitting pattern in her white panties, stretching out over a pair of perfectly shaped, white buttocks. If only she'd… YEAH, she was going to take it all off! Her hands were sliding down beneath the fabric of her amazing panties, starting to pull it down, so slowly that you'd think she was aware of the fact that she was being watched and was doing a strip tease. Centimeter for centimeter, the panties were sliding down, revealing her butt crack little by little. Mulch continued to creep forward, all angry thoughts toward Artemis forgotten. He was glad the Mud Boy had put him up to this. In fact, he was so absorbed that his superior dwarf senses completely failed to pick up the creaking protests from the branch beneath him. A few centimeters more now, and her ass would be completely exposed.

A crack.

A fall.

Intense pain in his pelvis.

Mulch opened his eyes, staring up at the sky. Leafs were descending upon him like snow, burying him in a blanket of bronze. The broken branch was lying on top of him, in a way that seemed almost apologetic to the semi-delirious Mulch.

His phone rang. He took it.

"Hello," a somewhat distant Artemis said. "Anything to report yet? She talked to anyone, done something that might seem relevant?"

"Not much," Mulch mumbled. "Just some drawing. Also, I think I might have fractured my spine."

"Mm," Artemis grunted, sounding less than impressed with his report. "Very well then, continue to observe her for now, you can give me a full report during lunch tomorrow."

"Will do," Mulch said as the Mud Boy hung up on him.

Ascending that tree with a category five chronically ill back would be a challenge, probably just the first of many.

_Why did I have to try to steal that stupid trophy? _Mulch asked himself. At this rate, he'd be lucky to make it past the first term alive. Who the hell cared about some blasted school? He was planning on becoming a professional criminal anyway. Bout time to get the hell off this Island.

He tried to get up.

Correction: Bout time to get the hell off this Island, as soon as he regained feeling in his legs.

* * *

**AN: As usual, if you have any suggested character you want me to bring in, or you have any other ideas that might make the story better, let me know in the review section, and I might just end up listening.**

**And btw, if you like this story, please be a darling and check out the revamped version of my other Artemis Fowl story. A quick look to see if it is worth reading is all I ask of. **

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